Apparently they weren't high enough. This morning I went out to my car to drive to church and low and behold, found this:During the night, someone decided to see how a neighbor's lawn ornament, a cement (yes...concrete) angel, would look in the middle of my windshield. The "fallen angel" has been returned to the neighbor from whence it came...and I now have a new air conditioning system installed!Fortunately, nothing was stolen.
Someone go check Hell... I think it's freezing over
Many of you know that I live near Disneyland. It's true that I live just 10 minutes away from the Magic Kingdom.However, despite the proximity of Mouse Land, I have never been there. Ever. All my life growing up, our family vacations took us to such exotic locations as Fruita, CO and Fortine, MT. When we weren't visiting family, we were usually camping. Amusement parks just were never a high priority. As I got older, I realized (and I admit my ignorance of experience), that I really didn't like amusement parks. Granted, the largest one I have ever been to was Lagoon...if you could call it one. However, it was the IDEA of an amusement park that really just didn't interest me. So now I have lived in the OC for over a year and have never been to Disneyland, even though it is practically in my backyard. Obviously I could go now, but the idea of a 32 year old single guy hanging out in a place originally designed with children in mind just isn't my cup of tea. (Get it? Tea Cups). But, Hayley pointed out that pedophiles usually have a mustache, and since I don't have a mustache, I would be fine. The point though is that my hubris has always been that I am 32 and have never been to Disneyland.
All that is going to change in February. My company is having their annual convention, and I have been slated to make an appearance. Where is it going to be? Disney World in Orlando. I have no choice...I have to go. This must be that "Real Life" that Brian was telling me about. Woe is me. Woe is me.
Hmmm...if only I could disappear for a few days in Florida.
I want to thank each of you for gathering 'round my soap box to hear (read), yet another rant. What has spawned such a vehement reaction on this lovely Friday morning? I will tell you what has chapped my hide: Morning People.Now before I go off on a tirade against those who prefer the first half of our ritualistic diurnal course, I will pause to commend all those who have set themselves New Year resolutions and goals to start getting up earlier. I think it is admirable that you have set yourself something to shoot for that you view as "improvement". Good for you!New Year's Resolutions are good and all...but don't ever forget the immortal words of my cousin, the mega-star of Springville's Underground Urban Rap faction, D-Rap:He shared with me the wise words from his latest hit:
"Cryin' Fo Paper Shreds"
"Fo shnicket my ticket...yous is stuck in da sticky-whicket. Take da bicket and play da cricket. Yo!"
Now, I happen to be a polyglot, and one of the languages I have brushed up on lately is Springville Ebonics. Roughly what D-Rap's words translate to is this: I know you get down on yourself...but don't. You are amazing and many people think that. Don't forget you are a Child of God. Yo!"
Back to my rant.
Why have we as a society continued to follow such a superannuated tradition? Sure, before the advent of electricity and the light switch, I can understand the need to rise with the sun to get your daily chores and work day done. Obviously to conserve the precious wax of candles, the people wanted to use as much of the daylight as they could.I respect that. However, I don't use candles anymore and I doubt you do either. Let's move forward people...into the 21st century! Traditionally it was an evil necessity to get up with the Sun. But those days have passed. Even though we live in a day and time where it is possible to see the work of our hands, even late at night, society has perpetuated this idiotic idea that getting up early is GOOD and staying up late is BAD. Just because the majority of the world accepts that...do we have to? The majority of the world also accepts coffee, most alcohol and the idea of "tester marriages". Does that mean we accept them? Of course not. I guess what really got into my craw was an incident that reminded me of an experience I had in the MTC all those years ago. Now when I was at the MTC, bedtime was 10 PM and we got up at 6 AM. For the most part, I and my companions were pretty good about making it to bed on time and getting up on time. However, there was one night when we might have been a little loud and carrying on well into the 10:15 range. We had a knock on the door and in walked a haggard-looking Elder from two doors down whom we already didn't like. We didn't like him because of his superiority, "holier-than-thou" attitude and his uber-like tendency to point out your flaws while at the same moment glorifying his upperclass dynamism. (Grandpa would call him a Bastard). Anyway, this Elder came in and started lecturing us about how we were breaking the rules and not only were we going to burn in Pergatory for our blatant refusal to follow the rules, we were also disturbing the precious sleep of those obedient souls around us. He lectured us for quite awhile...until he tipped his cards and I seized the moment to throw it back in his face. He was complaining that our noise was preventing him from getting the sleep he needed, and since he got up at 5 AM to do his scripture study, he was not going to be in peak form and may miss out on vital information found in the scriptures. Now...do you see the ammo that he gave me? Like a slingshot, I took it and shot back in his face.He said that he got up at 5 AM. I stopped him in his tracks and told him that he was breaking the rules and that if he wanted to lecture people who were disregarding the obedience of guidelines set forth by our General Authorities, he had no further to look than in a mirror. He tried to argue that getting up earlier than 6 AM was an act worthy of blessing and praise...it was to be admired. Whereas, staying up late was an act worthy of capital punishment...or at least a good caning.However, I could see that he was flustered, because he knew he was wrong. I went on to point out that one of the reasons that our leaders have set the hours of 10 PM to 6 AM as a time to sleep is so that we get adequate rest and sleep for our bodies. After all, it is just as important to take care of the physical needs of the body as it is to take care of the spiritual needs. Like a deer in the headlights...he knew he had no argument. Funny thing...he never bothered us again. Now I was going to go off on Benjamin Franklinand his proposal back in France to wake everyone in town up at the crack of dawn with cannons and church bells, and then lash out against William Willett and the induction of Daylight Savings, but I hope you are getting the idea. Getting up early in the morning traditionally was viewed as a good thing. However, times have changed. We are different people. We live in a 24 hour world. To those of you who enjoy getting up in the morning, I tip my hat to you. However, to you, my nocturnal peers, embrace the fact that the evening is when we shine. Don't get down on yourself because you don't get up easily. Just remember...when the sun sets, your body is on the rise. Not to mention, night owls dominate at board and trivia games at evening parties.
Encompass The Night
Now, on a humorous note. I saw a woman sporting a Rat's Tail hairdo today. And a story from the local news: A waitress was serving lunch to a woman and her two children. Apparently the customers overheard the waitress as she lamented about how the new semester had just started and she didn't know how she was going to make ends meet and be able to purchase her textbooks. After the customers left, the waitress went back to bus the table and found a note written on a napkin. It said, "Good luck this semester. Go buy your textbooks."Underneath the napkin was a$400 tip.
As I stare at this inch and a half laceration across my thumb, I feel inclined to share with you a valuable lesson: When deciding to crush a Yoo Hoo can on your forehead, pause a moment and ask yourself this simple question, "Self...could the result of this asinine publicity stunt have negative results, such as said can twisting into a razor-sharp shrapnel-like scalpel and eviscerating a bleeding cotter across your thumb?" Perhaps you won't be so cavalier in your can-crushing-on-forehead adventures in the future. Especially when the only audience you are trying to impress...is yourself.
I find myself torn. Let me start off by saying that I am 100% in support of the Writer's Guild strike that is going on right now. I truly feel that they deserve a bigger piece of the entertainment pie than they are currently receiving.It takes a lot of work and creativity to come up with the genius that goes behind most of our television shows. They deserve to be compensated with residual income just as the executives do. I applaud David Letterman and his company, Worldwide Pants, on being pretty much the only production company willing to work with and meet the demands of their writers. They were able to negotiate to satisfactory terms, an agreement where the writers were able to come back to work and the show is able to go on.However, the reason that I am torn is because the glaring tocsin resulting in this strike just raised its anathematized head: Reality TV.I HATE reality TV. I loathe reality TV. Reality TV is the absolute worst creation of entertainment ever. I know my attitude is supercilious...however, those are my feelings. I hate reality TV.
So as long as the strike continues...reality TV gains strength and popularity. However, to show my support of the WGA, I am committing a personal mission to not purchase any DVDs until the strike comes to an end. To most of you, this isn't that big of a deal...normal people purchase DVDs maybe once every few months. However, for me, buying DVDs is like a normal household purchasing a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter.This is going to be hard. In the meantime...while I am torn...enjoy this video which is a mime of Natalie Imbruglia's megahit: TORN
I think it is time for another random post on a random day. First of all...I have no idea where I am right now. Ok...I looked at the address on the hotel sheet...I am in Concord CA. For those of you who may have been preoccupied with the whole Presidential Race results in Iowa (congratulations to Obama and Huckabee), here on the west coast, the Bay Area is experiencing what has been termed "A 100 Year Storm". This is a storm of such force and magnitude, that it only happens once every hundred years or so. As I was driving from Sacramento this morning to Concord, I saw 4 semi-trucks that had blown over, and I was behind one semi and witnessed the wind blow one side of it off the road. It literally went up on 9 wheels. It was crazy. Yesterday I stayed in the DoubleTree hotel in Sacramento. We had a guest there who I helped check in. We got to his room and it was a total mess. Really, really trashed. But when I finally got to my room, there was someone already there. This morning there was a huge spider in my bathroom. I am going to write a strongly worded letter to the Hilton Hotel Chain. Perhaps Sister Hilton herself, (who never showed up to our Downtown LA Party back in September), will read it. I was stuck in the San Francisco airport yesterday for a long time. I saw a missionary who was on his way home. I was prompted to offer him my cell phone. At first I dismissed it, thinking it was just my own random thoughts. But then as he was staring at the pay phones, I was prompted again to go offer him my cell phone. So I did. He needed to call his parents and tell him that his flight would be delayed. He was going home. Good Work Elder! I also saw a 747 Jumbo Jet in that airport. If you have never really seen one of these in real life, I recommend you seek it out. Truly an engineering miracle. 747s are HUGE...and they FLY! Way to go Wright Brothers! It's a very small world. I found out today that the wife of one of my good friends, (she also is a good friend), is related to me through marriage. That is pretty cool because she and her family are very cool. Speaking of family...this reunion idea seems to be catching on. I think we can pull this off. Estimates of the size of our family by 2009 are somewhere around 300. I am hoping to add one to the flock before then...and I am not talking about fathering a child. The logical choices are Utah or Montana. Logistically speaking Montana would be a bit more difficult; however, it WOULD be worth it. But for a better turn out we may need to stay in Utah. Not that this is bad...Utah is amazing. However...Montana just has that special something. Finally...Mark will appreciate this...in a HUGE blow to the HD-DVD world, Warner announced that they would cease putting out movies in HD-DVD and will only put out Blu-Ray formatted movies. Let's hear it for BLU-RAY!!
Do you see this Google Images randomly selected portrait of a family reunion? Do you see the happy smiling faces upon each and every one of these joyful participants? (Except for that guy on the third row...I think he may be drunk). Anyway, my sister Gretchen and I have been discussing the idea of a family reunion for the Lifferth Clan...but without the drunkenness. We think that it is high time we start planning a gathering of all descendants of Henry and Wanda Lifferth (which will be over 250 people).
So this is my request of you dear reader, what ideas do you have for a family reunion? Where do you think we should have it? The number one goal of this is to get EVERYONE together for at least 2 days. We are also thinking the Summer of 2009, in order to give us plenty of time to plan and get commitments. So comment please...tell us what you think. Or you can e-mail me at: email@example.com
After all...don't you want to be as happy as this generic family?