There are many people who watched me growing up with my moon boot and hammer pants phases, that would shake your head and think, "There's just something not right with that boy."
Well, truth be told, when it came to fashion, I had a lot to learn.
However, I would like to think that over the last few years I have proven myself capable of flying solo on a clothing shopping trip...Despite the many times I would return home as a teenager and with great eagerness, exclaim to my sisters that I had successfully purchased clothes that would be accepted in even the highest of social cliques, and each time, having them say the same thing at the end of each showing, "Zach, you are not allowed to shop for clothes by yourself."
So it will come as a shock to many of you that I have actually had, on more than one occasion, perfectly sane people ask ME for fashion advice. I know...it's nuts.
But, feeling inspired and a bit ballyhooed, I have decided to give to the world my three rules on clothing and fashion. Any guy who adopts these rules into his shopping will always end up with a look that will turn heads...TOWARDS them, rather than away in shame.
Rule # 1 -
It's on a clearance rack for a reason.
Do NOT buy things on a clearance rack just because it is a good deal. Sure you may be able to clothe your body from the elements for a couple bucks cheaper...but those items are there because no one else wanted them. Don't buy them!
It is still possible to be frugal and look good. Just promise me you won't shop the Clearance Racks.
Rule # 2 -
If they don't have it in your size, don't buy it.
I don't care if you think you can pull off the baggy look or the tight look. Unless it was specifically designed for one of those two looks, and it is listed as your correct size, then don't buy it. A lot of people try to get away with buying something that is ALMOST their size. It's so close! Guess what? If you buy and wear it, you will ALMOST look cool...you will be so close!
In the end you either look desperate, or like you are wearing hand-me-downs, (which are perfectly fine as long as you are under the age of 10). Be willing to either look further for your size, or walk away from the choice and look for something else.
Rule # 3 -
If the mannequin is wearing it, so can you.
One of the greatest tools to buying clothes is the dummy standing there wearing the clothes. Stores WANT to sell clothing and they WANT to sell things that are hip and acceptable. They have a far better idea of what the general public is wearing than any one specific person, even if his name is Tommy Hilfiger.
When you are out shopping, take a look at what combination of clothing is out on display. This is especially effective when trying to match a tie with a shirt. These displays are put together by people who have studied and learned what goes with what.
Take no qualms with copying the exact outfit they have on display. This has never failed me, and it won't fail you either.
So there you have it. Zach's Rules of Fashion. I bet you never thought you would see the day.