It's Time

As many of you know, I have bandied about this country (and world) for quite some time...34 years in fact. After all of these travels and adventures and other whatnot worthy to be mentioned, (but won't be), I have decided that it is time for me to settle down and get married.

Ha ha! Just kidding...it's time to buy a house. Although...the marriage thing is something I am still pursuing. The only hitch with that is the fact that it is largely (as in 50% of the decision making), dependent upon someone else. I don't even know who that someone else currently is...let alone their interest level in an eternal commitment with me. But the adventures of learning that can be found at my new blog: www.whydatingstinks.blogspot.com, co-authored with my friend Paty.

But I digress...and should probably apologize for getting all of your hopes up. But do not give up on me getting married yet...I haven't.

In the meantime, I have decided that this summer, when my contract at my current apartment comes to a conclusion, that rather than renew once again with the lovely Harman Apartment Management Group, I am going to buy a house!

Not him.
One of these:

At that time, I also hope that Craig and Colter will know that they are personally invited to live there too.


In answer to your first, and most important question about my future home purchase, the answer is, "YES! I will be installing a Fire Pole."

For anyone with whom I have discussed home ownership will attest to, I have been a huge advocate of the Fire Pole for many years. In fact, I have but two things I WILL install into my abode as soon as the papers are signed.

1 - A Fire Pole

2 - A urinal

If the house is a single story with a basement, the pole will go between both floors. If I get a two-story house, with basement, you can be assured that the sliding goodness that is a fire pole will stretch all the way from the upper most story, all the way to the bowels of the basement.

But it MUST have a basement...as a single story fire pole, just doesn't have the same effect.

And what good standing male doesn't appreciate a urinal? Ladies...trust me...it will leave for a cleaner bathroom in the long run.

(You should have seen the images that came up when typing "urinal" into Google Images...oh wait...no you shouldn't.)

The other collection of gallimaufry knick-knacks and what's-its, will come along in time. Goodness knows I have pretty much everything required to furnish a home, from Projector for home theater, to milkshake machine for thick, delicious home-made milkshakes of whatever flavor you desire.

So the house will be well furnished.

The only encumbrance in this whole expedition to home ownership is...I have no idea what to do. I've never bought a house before. Sure, I have read books on it. I have read the World Wide Web with its many "www." pages. I have even been INSIDE of homes before...just to see what it is like in there.

But all this mortgage, ARP, Short Sale, Equity, Down Payment, "Former Meth Lab Check", is all about as foreign to me as...well...the experience of marriage.

Anyway...as with everything else I need to know in life...eventually I will either catch on, or buy The Complete Idiot's Guide to Purchasing Your First Home.

Oh wait...I already own that one.

But hopefully, sometime in July-ish or August, you will all be invited to my housewarming party in Provo...or Springville...or Payson...or Lehi...or somewhere in Utah County...or maybe Salt Lake County...but wherever it is, it will definitely have two stories...with a basement...or maybe it will be a rambler...yes, with a basement...with a yard...maybe a garage...and a dog...dogs come standard in homes, right? Should I look for a tub to be included? What about faucets? Outlets? It should come with a roof, right? The door should both open AND close? Will I need a vacuum? Or will a maid suffice?

Maybe I should research this a bit.