What I've Done

Besides being the title to a fantastic Linkin Park Song:
"What I've Done" for the past month has been crazy nuts!

So I got home from England near the very end of January. Can I tell you how great it felt to be back on American soil, and not have the constant threat of near Arctic weather nor burly roughnecks looming overhead?

So the first thing that I did after taking a day or two to relax and unwind, was head down to California to visit a friend I care deeply about. She has recently had surgery, and I wanted to check on her and see how she was recovering.
I don't think she knows how much I care about her and want to do whatever I can for her...but I've never been very good at expressing things like that. Let's just say that she is one of my favorite people in the world, and I pray for her constantly.

(She understands this picture)
I flew back from Cali just in time for our annual Lifferth Family German Dinner! I love this gathering each year as we celebrate our heritage and the great men and women who went before us, and gave to us the blessings of the Gospel and freedoms that we enjoy. As always...it was a great time.

The day after the German dinner, a group of friends and I headed up north to Lava Hot Springs Idaho.

Who knew barely festering, active volcanos running shallow under the very ground we stood on, could be so fun?? If you've never been...make plans now! You never know when it is going to erupt and ruin all the fun.
Not having enough traveling done yet, as soon as I got back from Idaho, I started packing for the cousin trip to COZUMEL MEXICO!
I think this picture sums it up pretty well:

At the end of the first day, someone said we should just take that day and hit the "Repeat" button for the rest of the week. So we did. There will be more on this later.
And now I am home...packing once again for the annual Ruby's Inn retreat! This year's activities will include swimming, snowshoeing, sledding, shooting, softball (????) and many other activities...including Guitar Hero!

It's ok to be jealous.

Fashion Rules

There are many people who watched me growing up with my moon boot and hammer pants phases, that would shake your head and think, "There's just something not right with that boy."

Well, truth be told, when it came to fashion, I had a lot to learn.

However, I would like to think that over the last few years I have proven myself capable of flying solo on a clothing shopping trip...Despite the many times I would return home as a teenager and with great eagerness, exclaim to my sisters that I had successfully purchased clothes that would be accepted in even the highest of social cliques, and each time, having them say the same thing at the end of each showing, "Zach, you are not allowed to shop for clothes by yourself."

So it will come as a shock to many of you that I have actually had, on more than one occasion, perfectly sane people ask ME for fashion advice. I know...it's nuts.

But, feeling inspired and a bit ballyhooed, I have decided to give to the world my three rules on clothing and fashion. Any guy who adopts these rules into his shopping will always end up with a look that will turn heads...TOWARDS them, rather than away in shame.

Rule # 1 -

It's on a clearance rack for a reason.

Do NOT buy things on a clearance rack just because it is a good deal. Sure you may be able to clothe your body from the elements for a couple bucks cheaper...but those items are there because no one else wanted them. Don't buy them!

It is still possible to be frugal and look good. Just promise me you won't shop the Clearance Racks.

Rule # 2 -


If they don't have it in your size, don't buy it.

I don't care if you think you can pull off the baggy look or the tight look. Unless it was specifically designed for one of those two looks, and it is listed as your correct size, then don't buy it. A lot of people try to get away with buying something that is ALMOST their size. It's so close! Guess what? If you buy and wear it, you will ALMOST look cool...you will be so close!

In the end you either look desperate, or like you are wearing hand-me-downs, (which are perfectly fine as long as you are under the age of 10). Be willing to either look further for your size, or walk away from the choice and look for something else.

Rule # 3 -

If the mannequin is wearing it, so can you.

One of the greatest tools to buying clothes is the dummy standing there wearing the clothes. Stores WANT to sell clothing and they WANT to sell things that are hip and acceptable. They have a far better idea of what the general public is wearing than any one specific person, even if his name is Tommy Hilfiger.

When you are out shopping, take a look at what combination of clothing is out on display. This is especially effective when trying to match a tie with a shirt. These displays are put together by people who have studied and learned what goes with what.

Take no qualms with copying the exact outfit they have on display. This has never failed me, and it won't fail you either.

So there you have it. Zach's Rules of Fashion. I bet you never thought you would see the day.

It's Time

As many of you know, I have bandied about this country (and world) for quite some time...34 years in fact. After all of these travels and adventures and other whatnot worthy to be mentioned, (but won't be), I have decided that it is time for me to settle down and get married.

Ha ha! Just kidding...it's time to buy a house. Although...the marriage thing is something I am still pursuing. The only hitch with that is the fact that it is largely (as in 50% of the decision making), dependent upon someone else. I don't even know who that someone else currently is...let alone their interest level in an eternal commitment with me. But the adventures of learning that can be found at my new blog: www.whydatingstinks.blogspot.com, co-authored with my friend Paty.

But I digress...and should probably apologize for getting all of your hopes up. But do not give up on me getting married yet...I haven't.

In the meantime, I have decided that this summer, when my contract at my current apartment comes to a conclusion, that rather than renew once again with the lovely Harman Apartment Management Group, I am going to buy a house!

Not him.
One of these:

At that time, I also hope that Craig and Colter will know that they are personally invited to live there too.


In answer to your first, and most important question about my future home purchase, the answer is, "YES! I will be installing a Fire Pole."

For anyone with whom I have discussed home ownership will attest to, I have been a huge advocate of the Fire Pole for many years. In fact, I have but two things I WILL install into my abode as soon as the papers are signed.

1 - A Fire Pole

2 - A urinal

If the house is a single story with a basement, the pole will go between both floors. If I get a two-story house, with basement, you can be assured that the sliding goodness that is a fire pole will stretch all the way from the upper most story, all the way to the bowels of the basement.

But it MUST have a basement...as a single story fire pole, just doesn't have the same effect.

And what good standing male doesn't appreciate a urinal? Ladies...trust me...it will leave for a cleaner bathroom in the long run.

(You should have seen the images that came up when typing "urinal" into Google Images...oh wait...no you shouldn't.)

The other collection of gallimaufry knick-knacks and what's-its, will come along in time. Goodness knows I have pretty much everything required to furnish a home, from Projector for home theater, to milkshake machine for thick, delicious home-made milkshakes of whatever flavor you desire.

So the house will be well furnished.

The only encumbrance in this whole expedition to home ownership is...I have no idea what to do. I've never bought a house before. Sure, I have read books on it. I have read the World Wide Web with its many "www." pages. I have even been INSIDE of homes before...just to see what it is like in there.

But all this mortgage, ARP, Short Sale, Equity, Down Payment, "Former Meth Lab Check", is all about as foreign to me as...well...the experience of marriage.

Anyway...as with everything else I need to know in life...eventually I will either catch on, or buy The Complete Idiot's Guide to Purchasing Your First Home.

Oh wait...I already own that one.

But hopefully, sometime in July-ish or August, you will all be invited to my housewarming party in Provo...or Springville...or Payson...or Lehi...or somewhere in Utah County...or maybe Salt Lake County...but wherever it is, it will definitely have two stories...with a basement...or maybe it will be a rambler...yes, with a basement...with a yard...maybe a garage...and a dog...dogs come standard in homes, right? Should I look for a tub to be included? What about faucets? Outlets? It should come with a roof, right? The door should both open AND close? Will I need a vacuum? Or will a maid suffice?

Maybe I should research this a bit.

At A Loss

I find myself at a loss right now. This morning, my Mom called to let me know that her mother, my Grandmother, had passed away during the night. If pressed to put into words what my feelings were/are, I really don't think I could adequately describe them.

My Grandmother was an amazing woman. By far the greatest cook I have ever known. She has a recipe for rolls that is legendary. People across the nation have requested it as she shared the recipe with her children, they with their children, and then ten fold as these rolls started showing up at extended family gatherings and finally ward parties. And I don't blame them...they were really good rolls.

My Grandmother Byers was a tiny woman...but you didn't mess with her. She is the only one of my grandparents to ever hit me...and I was 25 or 26 at the time, easily almost a foot taller and 50 pounds heavier than her. My Mom and I were out there loading up a truck with some stuff to bring back, and she [my Grandmother] told me to make sure I helped my Mom unload the truck when we got back. I made an off-handed quip about being too tired and letting her do it on her own, and my Grandmother hauled back and smacked me. She had a good forearm.

She has also been heard to say about someone who was still asleep, that she is going to "jack him up".

I'm convinced that in her younger years she was a force to be reckoned with. She certainly was someone who stood her ground and voiced her opinion in her later years.

One thing we learned quickly as grandchildren was that she was GrandMOTHER, not Grandma, not Grams, nothing short of proper respect. However, even though she seemed a "stickler", through her actions, she earned the respect that she asked for.

My Grandmother was brilliant. I remember conversing with her on a wide variety of topics. Whenever we went to visit, she was always ready to talk with us about pretty much anything. I don't know why it sticks out in my mind, but one of my fondest memories was her telling us about the National Geographic Knowledge Bee. It was a competition for school kids to show off their knowledge, on a national level. Basically at the time, it was a "Jeopardy" for kids. She went on and on about how each winner had trained and studied.

I remember when the Olympics were in L.A., and the torch was carried across America, it happened to pass through Vernal, UT. I was staying with my Grandparents at the time and they took me to see it.

Her house was ALWAYS a house of order. Everything was always well-organized and clean. Even after the tornado that is grandchildren came through, everything thing seemed to be in its proper place.

One of the small things that I attribute to my Grandmother, is her introducing me to my favorite breakfast cereal of all time: Cracklin' Oat Bran. I remember the first time I ever had it was in her kitchen out in Dillon Colorado. It is still one of those foods that from the first bite, instantly transport me back to a more simple time.

She has been very ill for quite some time now. We have all known that this was coming. Perhaps that is why I am at a loss for words to describe how I feel. I've been preparing myself for this for awhile...and now that it has happened, I'm not sure how to react.

I was blessed with the opportunity to say good bye to her. On Sunday my Mom, my two brothers, Noah and Gabe, and my sister Bridgett and I, drove out to Rangely, CO where my Grandmother was staying at my Uncle Mark's. We had been told that it would be soon, so we all made a day trip out there and were able to visit with her for a few short hours. She slept most of the time, but we were able to see her awake...and she knew we were there. It was a special gift to be there that day.

My Grandmother was one of the greatest women to ever be born. She raised wonderful children and taught them correct principles. She supported her husband in all he did. She didn't voice it as often as other thoughts and feelings, but she lived the Gospel with everything she had to offer. She knew that our Savior lives. She loved her children and they knew it. She loved her grandchildren, and they knew it. She loved her great-grandchildren, and as well as they were able to understand...they knew it.

She was loved and she will be missed.

A Christmas Blog

T'was some days before Christmas, and I sit on a rig
All around me are machines, designed only to dig
The brisk North Sea air, across our faces does blow
At the top of the derrick, does a small red light glow

The light is there always, for airplane alerts
After three weeks of rig food, we all have the squirts
Now don't get me wrong, the food it's delicious
But Jello for every meal, can really be vicious

In my fortnight of time, plus a few extra days
that I've been in this place, learning the oil man's way
I've seen wind storms and snow storms, but not much of the sun
I've shuffled equipment, that weighs well over a ton

In the spare time that I've had, I've read and I've wrote
Some day I hope that my book, will be more than a note
I've also completed, all my Holiday shopping
From my friend Amazon, all gifts will be dropping

Though I've found that my enemy, is option "One Click"
Much too easily I purchase, it's simply too slick
But for all of my nieces and nephews and friends
I've tried to provide them from the latest of trends

Now since I've been out on this floating contraption
I've heard language no channel would even close caption
I've climbed up in the air, and came down with all limbs
Which isn't that easy with true gale force winds

Now, many a bloke has given me history lesson
They think we are wrong, at least that's what I'm guessin
From their point of view, in that Colonial War
They simply gave up, it was too much of a chore

They also harass about our foods greasy and fat
Because most of the cooking takes place in a vat
While true what they said, some creativity we lack
I pointed out the UK's top selling Big Mac

They went on about Presidents Bush and Obama
And why do we continue such world wide drama
He ranted on that we nothing ever contribute
That our answer to everything is show up and shoot

Now he may have a point from his mis-informed view
What could we give the world that is potentially new
Each idea that I offered, was taken and mocked
And he wanted to show it came from previous stock

And then I realized with a sincere wicked grin
I knew the Trump card that would forever this win
He could degrade us and knock us and tell us we stink
If that is what he believes, then so let him think

For America has given the world something great
Even he will admit this is top notch, and first rate
So he implored with his Anti-American Rage
What could possibly have come since the Colonial Age?

With a wink and a nod, and a Cheshire grin
My answer quite simply, completely stunned him
He could not compete, he no longer abhores us
When I reminded him that we gave him Chuck Norris.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

As Requested...

I want to first state that this never began as a slam on the government, the media, nor Al Gore. That was never the purpose, and to deride such is to make your own interpretation that is not the author's. This was only a tirade to help people open their eyes and do their OWN research, rather than accept what is given to them in the most easily digested manner, i.e. It's Handed To You.

With that said, it was requested that I give more "validity" to my last post. To appease the masses, I give you the following:

First major press release regarding global warming representing a threat to man:

Miami Herald - July 5, 1989 – Page 2E SCIENCE
GREENHOUSE WARMING NATIONS MAY VANISH, U.N. SAYS
A senior U.N. environmental official says entire nations could be wiped off the face of the Earth by rising sea levels if the global warming trend is not reversed by the year 2000. Coastal flooding and crop failures would create an exodus of "eco-refugees," threatening political chaos, said Noel Brown, director of the New York office of the United Nations U.N. Environment Program, or UNEP.

Water Vapor 95% of Greenhouse Effect:

http://www.geocraft.com/WVFossils/greenhouse_data.html
Specifically Table 3

Also of note regarding Water Vapor:

S.M. Freidenreich and V. Ramaswamy, “Solar Radiation Absorption by Carbon Dioxide, Overlap with Water, and a Parameterization for General Circulation Models,” Journal of Geophysical Research 98 (1993):7255-7264

Global Deception: The Exaggeration of the Global Warming Threat
by Dr. Patrick J. Michaels, June 1998
Virginia State Climatologist and Professor of Environmental Sciences, University of Virginia

Greenhouse Gas Emissions, Appendix D, Greenhouse Gas Spectral Overlaps and Their Significance
Energy Information Administration; Official Energy Statistics from the U.S. Government

This WHOLE THING is part of a Natural Cycle:

The Geologic Record and Climate Change
by Dr. Tim Patterson, January 2005
Professor of Geology-- Carleton University
Ottawa, Canada

Also:

http://www.museum.state.il.us/exhibits/ice_ages/

Information regarding the concentration of Gases, specifically CO2:

http://cdiac.esd.ornl.gov/pns/current_ghg.html

A news release regarding the EPA trying to ban Water Vapor as a pollutant:

http://www.ecoenquirer.com/EPA-water-vapor.htm

And my personal favorite, from the man hailed as THE expert in Climatology:

http://www.uncommondescent.com/off-topic/father-of-climatology-calls-manmade-global-warming-absurd/

I would appreciate any links or other studies you might have to share, though I would prefer that they come from a non-politically influenced source, nor Wikipedia...for all their underfunded efforts...it is still largely a Public Opinion Bulletin Board. I would like any studies that specifically list deforestation as the cause for increased CO2 in the atmosphere, or even the Industrial Revolution, and that increase is a direct cause of Global Warming, despite studies to the contrary that have been compiled here:

http://www.geocraft.com/WVFossils/ice_ages.html

and here

http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/enviro/EnviroRepublish_233658.htm

Don't get me wrong...I do love this planet, and I do try to take care of it. It is our home, and much like any home, it can fall into ruins if we don't do our best keep it beautiful. Don't litter...don't waste things...but most of all, don't forget that our children will someday inherit it.

Global Warming Is a Crock

I want you to close your eyes and picture yourself walking up a set of metal stairs. They are the cross-hatched type that you can see through to what is below you. They are pretty steep, and each step is just slightly higher than the ones you are used to back home. The handrail you hold is a large metal pipe that has been worn smooth by many a gloved hand. Rain is pelting you in the face....oh, did I forget to mention you were outside? Because you are. As you grip the handrail, you brave the elements and look up into the face of a 50 mph wind. All you see is black. Look up...blackness. Look to your right...blackness. On the left? Blackness. Now, you look DOWN, over the handrail. Guess what you are staring into? Well, yes, blackness...but if you look closely...yep, there it is...200 feet below you are the 40 foot waves of the North Sea, crashing with a mighty force against the seemingly puny metal frame holding up this contraption you are climbing even higher on.

Welcome to my world. Fun, isn't it?

But alas, I digress from the true point of this blog, which you should have gathered by the title. It seems that the topic of Global Warming and Climate Change are pretty hot on the media bandwagon these days. Do you ever feel like they are just trying to cram it down your throat?

That's because they are. Now I am not going to go off on a tirade about some conspiracy theory that the media is under the control of some secret organization set on taking over the world through a smoke-and-mirrors distraction to the public. However, I will tell you that somebody got on a wild hair back in 1989, and it caught fire. Why 1989? Same year the Cold War ended with the fall of the Berlin Wall. Don't believe me? Check it yourself. The first mention in public media of the danger of Global Warming came only a few months before the collapse of Communism. It seems that someone saw an end coming to this "Fear Factor Gravy Train" that the media had been able to use for years and years to boost ratings and sales, and decided it was time to start a new fear. So...we get Global Warming. They tried to scare us with the Ozone Layer falling apart thanks to all those 70's and 80's hairdos, but it didn't really catch on.

Global Warming is a crock. My premise by no means hinges on the fact that I am sitting in the North Sea in the middle of December. No one out here is convinced that there is any warmth left in this world. I've been meaning to Soap Box this one for some time. With the global summit coming up, I figured, now was as good a time as any.

The truth is that the earth is getting warmer. No really...I do believe that. However, it is NOT in any way, shape or form, coming about because of something that we humans have done. Humans have about as much influence on the climate as a one handed fan adding to the applause at a U2 Concert.

I am sure that some of you have found your ire raised by my comments, and that is fine. Every person is entitled to his or her own opinion. However, before you stop reading...unless you alread have...in which case, these are really wasted words, let me ask you a question:

Have YOU read the research on Global Warming? Or have you just jumped on the media bandwagon and regurgitate the same information they have been spoon feeding you? Personally, I am not a fan of anything being shoved down my throat. That's why I have been adamantly absorbing as much information as I can about Global Warming that I can get my hands on, from all sources...especially scientific researches. Here are some of the things that I have found:

Fact: 95% of Earth's Greenhouse Effect is from Water Vapor

Bet you didn't know that. I would even wager, if I were such a betting man, that you probably have never heard of Water Vapor being included in any media reports on Global Warming. That's because it is purposely left out. Most government studies have been done twice...once WITH Water Vapor as a factor, and once with Water Vapor effects removed. Guess which ones they publish.

Oh, and by the way...do you know what the biggest contributor to water vapor is? If you guessed humans, you are wrong. It's our leafy green friends, The Plants. Yep...you want to solve global warming? Fire up the chainsaws and take out the rain forests.


You think I am kidding? I'm not...plants are the reason that the Earth as a whole has warmed up half a degree over the last 30 years. And they claim to be "Green".

It's a NATURAL CYCLE of the planet people! You aren't going to stop it.

Fact: The atmosphere is made up of 78% Nitrogen, 21% Oxygen, (for those of you keeping score at home, that is 99% so far). The remaining 1% consists of what are called "Trace Gases", or "Trace Elements". Most of that 1% is Argon. Not to be confused with Aragon from such adventures as That Short Kid Who Threw Jewelry Away. CO2, or Carbon Dioxide, comes into play at exactly 370 parts per million, or 0.03% of 1%.

Do you want that in easy to understand terms? If you had $10,000 in one dollar bills, CO2 would make up $3.

Not really a big deal...is it? Neither is your Carbon Footprint.

If you look hard enough for studies that don't conflict with public opinion (because the public opinion is OH SO correct all the time), you will find this little morsel of truth...

Fact: 0.117% of Carbon Dioxide in the air comes from Human activity. You want the dollar equivilant of that? If all the Carbon Dioxide in the world were represented by $100. Humans would have tossed in 11.7 cents.

And yet the government is getting away with selling "Carbon Off Sets" to corporations. A more honest approach would be, "Hey Stupid, Give me your money."

Believe what you will. I know many of you will scoff at this and continue on to Facebook. However, if you really do care, please take the time to do the research for yourself. If you want, I can send you some of the studies that I read. But I don't want to be accused of leading anyone down the path that I believe. I want you to find it out for yourself. Just promise me you won't just take what the media gives you and accept it as truth. If you are going to be committed enough to have an opinion...be committed enough to get educated enough to hold that opinion.

Besides...God created this place. Do you really think that with a colossal slap to the forehead, He is saying to Himself, "Man...I never considered they might evolve to a point where they could control the fate of the Earth, and not Me"?

I didn't think so.

Alive & Kicking...and Dodging

For those of you who have actually seen me in the last week and a half, you will know that I am doing pretty well...but am also really busy. It amazes me how quickly life can fill up when you THINK that you have a lot of free time. But I have no complaints...these last few weeks have been weeks that really counted.

First of all, my cousin Ryan returned from his mission. It was so amazing to see him, and how much he had grown spiritually. His homecoming talk was one of the most spiritual I have witnessed. It is very obvious that he gave his all to the service of the Lord.

I broke down and got a new laptop. I joined the "cool" people of the world and got myself a Mac Book Pro. It is fantastic!

Speaking of electronics...the new Call of Duty: Modern Warfare came out and it seems to be all the rage with roommates and cousins alike. I was playing it the other day with Colter, trying to help him accomplish a "mission". I was sniping off bad guys left and right...getting multiple kills, far better than I ever did at Halo 3. I was, for lack of a better term, The Man. Well, we failed accomplishing our goal for 4 or 5 tries. Then Colter calmly tells me that maybe we should not shoot the bad guys, as our goal for this particular mission is to SNEAK pass the enemy without alerting them to our being there.

I asked Colter why he didn't tell me that in the first place, and he said, "Well you just looked so happy, I didn't have the heart to tell you."

I suppose what has kept me so busy these last few weeks is that there are so many amazing people in my life...I want to see them all. I honestly think I have had a lunch date with a different person every day that I have been home...with the exception of one repeat, and she was worth it.

Speaking of dates...I have been doing a lot of that too. I took out a girl when I first got back, for her birthday. We went to the "They Might Be Giants" Concert, and it was amazing! They seriously put on a very good show.

Last week I took a girl out on the town, and she ended up with a "Quick Access" Decorative plate, and I ended up with the Gay Cocoa Mug. No really...The Gay Mug.

This same young lass joined me as we went out to look at the stars and watch the meteor shower...it took us a while to find a good location, but it was well worth the drive. We had a lot of fun finding the various constellations. I am glad I had an expert in the car with me.

Today, one of my old mission companions and I drove down to Spring City to visit some friends. I tell you what...the older I get...the more I realize the importance of maintaining friendships. They are some of the few things that you will take with you on this journey we call life.

Finally...last Saturday, a bunch of the Lifferth cousins got together and we had a rousing game of Dodgeball. It was one of the most fun nights I have ever had. For those who missed out on it...I am truly sorry. I have said it before and I will say it again...I have one fantastic family.

Well that's it for now...but I am going to attempt to be more diligent in my blogging ways. If you gain nothing from this blog but one modicum of knowledge...know this: If you are a male...stay away from trying to polka-dot your own mugs.