Where is Zach?

2011-05-29T18:59:00.004-06:00

Water, Water Everywhere

The other night, my buddy Jon called me up asking to be a sound board for him while he hashed out some ideas. Always looking forward to hanging out with him, I readily agreed. We spent a good couple of hours driving around south Utah County just talking, laughing and having a grand ol’ time.
About 1:00 in the morning, we were just getting back into Provo, and as he was dropping me off at my apartment, Jon received a call from his mother-in-law saying that their basement was flooding. He said he would be right over to help out.
As I jumped out of the car, I told him that if they needed additional help, to give me a call. I don’t think either of us thought he would actually do it.

About 40 minutes later, after he had assured me that he probably wouldn’t be calling me, my phone started to ring. It was Jon asking if I could come help out. As I hadn’t climbed into bed yet, I told him I would be right over. I threw on some old shoes (figuring they were going to get wet), and headed on over.
Now Jon’s in-laws live in a fairly nice neighborhood. I knew where their house was because Jon had pointed it out to me on a few occasions. When I arrived, I couldn’t find anyone answering the door, so I just walked on in and found my way downstairs.
This house was AMAZING! Besides being relatively brand-new and very well maintained, it also happens to have a TWO-STORY basement. How else are you going to fit your indoor racquetball court?

So I found everyone down in the racquetball court, where I walked in on the following scene:
Father In-Law was running one of two shop vacs, sucking up water from a very large pool that wasn’t getting any smaller. Meanwhile, Mother In-Law and Sister In-Law were bucketing out a second shop vac that was already filled with water. Rushing back and forth with filled 5-gallon buckets of water, Jon and his Brother In-Law were hauling these up the two flights of stairs and out the back door to a storm drain.
I jumped right in and started hauling buckets outside. We got into a pretty good rhythm of filling one shop vac while the other was being drained by hand. We were completing a full cycle of filling, switching and draining in about a minute and a half. We did this straight for over 3 hours, from 2 AM to 5 AM. We calculated that we carried out over 1,000 gallons of water…and we were just barely keeping up with the in-flow of water.

All during this time, there were also two full-time pumps running that had been installed when the house was built, plus a Disaster Recovery Team was setting up another pump to help drain the basement.
Needless to say…until they got set up…it felt like an exercise in futility. My hands, still sore from roofing a few days earlier, were cramping up and sore.
But I was happy to be there helping out. Eventually, the Disaster Team was set up and operating, and they had a second team that was almost ready to go as well. By this time, all of us who were manually working were completely and utterly spent physically. So at the word of the Father In-Law, we called it quits.
Jon’s Mother In-Law said to me, besides expressing her extreme gratitude, that she was impressed that I was there helping out instead of being in bed like most normal people. She said that I must really be a good friend to Jon to be willing to help out.
I told her that I was very happy to help out, knowing that if the roles were reversed, Jon wouldn’t hesitate to help me out as well.
Besides…friends help you move. REAL Friends help you move bodies…of water.

2011-05-29T18:52:00.003-06:00

Getting ‘Round

Several months ago, I was up in Spokane visiting my sister and her family. About this same time, they were getting their house ready to put on the market and sell. While I was up there, they found out that they were going to have to replace the roof in order to meet all the requirements for selling their home.
Having been one of the Roofing Trade for quite some time in my younger years, I volunteered the services of myself and our father to help them tear off the old roof and replace it with a new and less leaky roof.

Fast forward to two weeks ago when my Dad, Mom and I drove up to Spokane to fulfill that offer of service from yester-month. We drove up in my truck, laden with the tools of the trade and a few duffle bags.
Now I will be the first to admit that when I first conceptualized the idea of replacing their roof, I really didn’t think that it would be much of a challenge. It is a fairly simple roof, with only two valleys and pretty much straight runs covering the rest of it. We arrived on Monday night. Our plan was to tear off the roof in one day, and then lay down the tar paper and the first few rows of shingles the second day, and finally finishing off the entire project on the third day. We would be able to head home on Friday.
That’s not how it panned out…at all.
However, we were able to complete it all. It took two days to tear off the roof, and an additional three more to put the new roof on. During the installation process, as per City Code, we had to have an inspection done after the first layer of Ice Shield had been set down. When the inspector arrived, in less than a minute, he commented that this was probably going to be the only roof he passed that day. He went on to point out that all the other roofs were being done by professional contractors. So that made us feel good.

Finally, Saturday morning came. We didn’t have much left…but by this point my Dad and I were both just physically exhausted. What I thought we would finish by Noon, still took us until almost 9 PM that night.

But we did it…the roof was completely replaced with great help given by family, local ward members and especially the missionaries. My sister Gretchen especially deserves a personal shout-out as she was a huge help to us, and still maintained her household. My Mom was a great blessing in helping to watch the kids and in cleaning up. We were all truly blessed with safety and strength to get through it all. And the best part of it was that the final inspection went through with no problems at all. I was very happy to hear that.
The biggest lesson that I learned though, was that my 63 year old Dad can still out work me. The man is a machine.

2011-04-28T20:30:00.004-06:00

Life In Shamrock

I imagine that living in a small town on the famous Route 66 does have it's advantages. In fact, I set out to discover some of them this week when we had a very brief amount of down time.

As has already been mentioned, Shamrock, TX is located on the famous Route 66.

One of it's buildings:

was the inspiration for a very popular hang out place for the characters in this movie.

If you ever have the opportunity to pass through here, I highly recommend that you stop in and visit Big Vern's Steakhouse. It is located right on Route 66, and there are billboards for it everywhere. This is easily the best tasting steak in the area.

If you are lucky, you might get to see Vern himself.

(He is a VERY nice guy, but you have to listen to him carefully as he has a very quiet voice and tends to mumble his words.)

Not only is Shamrock famous for it's movie building stand-ins...it is also the home of the largest water tower (of this type), in the entire state of Texas.

(It is quite large and can be seen from a long distance.)

But probably one of the best parts of Shamrock is that if you stay in a hotel, for even one night, you get a free round of 18 holes of golf at their local country club. (It's actually a 9-hole course that you get to go round twice).

(Yes...that's me with a pink putter...)

So the next time you decide you need a long road trip...consider Route 66 and the small town of Shamrock, TX.

Tell them Zach sent you! They won't have a clue who you are talking about.

2011-04-17T22:04:00.008-06:00

Feel The Love of the Embrace

Today I was embraced by the Long Arm of the Texas Law.

So I found myself once again traveling to the wonderful state of Texas. I am down here for another 3 weeks...and it is already leading up to be one of the best trips yet.
After flying out of Salt Lake and landing in the great city of Oklahoma, in the state of the same name...I and my co-workers headed over to Joe's Crab Shack for some delicious seafood. I got the Rajun' Cajun Steampot. Although this particular dish is quite messy...it was most delectable.

After the meal, young Neil and I jumped in our trusty SUV, (a Nissan Armada to be exact), and drove West into the Texas Panhandle area.
Our destination was a Best Western hotel. This isn't the usual place of our lodging...because the "usual" spot was fully booked.

When we arrived, I checked in first and took my bags up to my room. I then returned to the lobby to meet up with Neil and find out which room he had been checked into.
When I arrived at the lobby, my "partner in crime" was nowhere to be found.
So I pulled out my phone and shot off a quick e-mail to find out where he was. As I was hitting send, in through the front doors came barreling 6 men wearing bulletproof vests, star badges, and most of them had cowboy hats. Guns drawn, and scanning the lobby, one of the larger men pointed (his finger) at me and said, "Watch him!"

Then all of them jumped in the elevator and headed somewhere.
A few minutes later, the same guy came back down and coming straight at me, demanded some identification.
I said, "Of course sir...here you go."
I handed him my passport.
He looked at me and asked if I had something else.
So I pulled out my driver's licenses. (I'm currently in the process of getting my motorcycle endorsement, so I have a paper "temporary" permit and then my plastic copy that has two holes punched in it).
He asked why the holes were punched in it. I told him that it was a temporary, while I was getting my motorcycle endorsement.
He demanded that I hand over my phone.
Now, at this moment, IN MY HEAD, I thought, "You know...you really need a warrant for this." But I also though, IN MY HEAD, it would be very unwise to say something like that to this large, very irritated man who happens to have a gun...and the right to detain me for 24 hours with no reason.
So I said, "Of course...here you go."
The phone was locked, so he demanded that I unlock it and show him whatever e-mail I had just sent.
Not having anything to hide, I showed him. At that point, young Neil had decided to e-mail me and let me know which room he was in. So the officer, turning the phone away from me, asked, "Who's in room ***?"
By the way...he wasn't asking any of this nicely.
Of course this was the first I had heard of this room...but I surmised that it must have been Neil, so I answered as such.
The officer seemed somewhat satiated with that answer.
But then the following conversation took place:
Officer: "Do you have a criminal record??"
Me: "No"
Officer: "Have you ever been arrested?"
Me: "No"
Officer: "Do you have any felonies or warrants?"
Me: "No"
Officer: "Have you ever had any speeding tickets?"
Me: "No"
(I wasn't going to explain that the one that I did get happened over 12 years ago and never went on my record)

The officer then took all my identifications, (that he had been holding), and wrote down everything, Passport Number, License, Phone Number, and then told me, "stay available."

And thus was my welcoming hug to the Great State of Texas.

PS - A few minutes later, the rest of the officers came down with a man in handcuffs. They escorted him out of the building and as of this writing...I haven't heard another word about it.

But I am still available.

2011-04-11T11:42:00.007-06:00

New Post

There is absolutely no way that I can properly cover everything that has been going on since my last post, (or even since my last guest's post). However, I am re-investing myself into my blog and hope to once again, much like the proverbial Phoenix, raise my blog to the standards and entertainment that it once was.

And I need a better medium for keeping a journal.

With that said, I will just give you the briefest of synopses on the doings of my life.

I know that the question on everyone's mind is, "Who was that masked blogger that swooped in and left the wonderful Valentine's Post?"

Well, her name is Ashlee...and we have been dating since December. We met in an Institute class and have been spending quite a bit of time with each other since then. She is a brilliant young woman, served a mission in Thailand and has a Master's Degree from BYU in Art History. She is currently working as a curator for a local art museum.

I have also recently changed out vehicles in my life. The Passat has been replaced by a Ford F-150. I won't lie...I am enjoying the 4x4 option.

As far as work is concerned, I have been making regular treks to and from Shamrock, TX since September. It's funny how last year and the year prior to that, whenever people asked me where I had been or where I was going, they were always impressed as I would say things like, "Scotland", "England" or "Trinidad". But lately, I can see just the slightest disappointment cross their face as I now answer, "Texas".

And it's not even an off-shore rig...it's a land rig with rattle snakes and everything.

I have also joined the Twitter Nation. I will be the first to admit that I am still quite the tyro at it...but I am learning. Feel free to follow me if you wish @liffdog23

So there you have it...I have brought you relatively up to speed on my life. Moving forward, I am looking forward to golf and driving the motorcycle...not to mention a quick trip at some point to Spokane, WA to help replace a roof.

Until then my extremely faithful readers...I bid you adieu.

2011-02-14T16:25:00.007-07:00

Dear Zach:

Happy Valentine’s Day. I apologize for infiltrating your blog, but a girl’s got to do SOMETHING for her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, even if he is approximately 2,756 miles away. I just wanted you to know that I think you are kind of a big deal, even if you did say so yourself ☺ Thank you for making me smile. I am very lucky to have you in my life. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought I would venture…a poem. Brace yourself….

Ahem.

There once was a young art curator
Who had actually become quite a dater
But after several months of tedious dating,
Resolved for a time to give up on mating.
She cried, “Must all single men be ridiculous?”
‘Twas enough to make a saint want to cuss --
Or cry, which she did, and resolved for a break
And hold out for a man who wasn’t a flake.

Resolved to move forward, the disillusioned young lass
Felt to return to an Institute class.
She arrived the first week, embarrassingly late,
But perhaps her timing was a matter of fate!
She encountered a young man, equally tardy,
And brimming with self-assurance was fool-hardy
Enough to hit on her right after the prayer
Despite being older and having no hair ☺
Though wary of men with non-committal intention,
The girl was disarmed by his amiable wit and lack of convention
As he artfully asked for her number and scheduled dinner
For the very next night?!! This guy was a winner!
They continued to talk a bit longer that night
And the bemused girl returned home beaming, out-right.

The next evening the two went to Taco-N-Tent,
(Yep. First date.)
Which appealed to the tastes of both lady and gent ;)
As they continued to talk over Mexican food
It was clear that this guy was an interesting dude.
As the evening closed, before parting ways,
The young man confessed, “I leave in two days.”
He departed for Texas, leaving the girl to her thoughts,
Intrigued by the man, first a bit then a lot.

As he worked on the rig, many miles away
The two chatted practically every day.
And slowly the girl began to see
Many different sides to this Zachary.
He returned from Texas and both of them found
That each really liked when the other came ‘round.
They enjoyed Christmas lights, a Jazz game and movies together,
And The Forgotten Carols, where they were forced to sing “Together Forever.”
(Zach loved it.)
Soon he kissed her in the kitchen, ‘midst a mouthful of pie,
While he was on Lortab after lasering his eye.
(eyes.)

Ah…

The weeks have passed, sometimes fast, sometimes slow,
Especially when Zach is away from Provo.
But the adventures continue and memories are mounting,
As the story continues – now three months and counting…!
There’s still much left unwritten, but this poem must end.
So… Happy Valentine’s Day to an awesome boyfriend.
For such a guy there isn’t much I wouldn’t do,
Thank you again, and always, for just being… You ;)

Love,

Ashlee

2011-01-01T12:43:00.004-07:00

Happy Holidays

Guess how I spent my holiday season

Oh and Happy 2011!

2010-11-29T00:05:00.002-07:00

Him? Oh that's Lyle

So my buddy and I are getting ready to head home to Utah after three wonderful weeks in Texas. We pulled into Oklahoma City around midnight and checked into our hotel. Both of us being hungry, we decided to cross the parking lot to the local IHOP.

While we were there, my buddy Eric noticed a guy in a cowboy hat across the room that looked really familiar. I looked over, and both of us at the same time realized who it was. We tried to get a good picture...but this was the best we could do.

So as we were leaving, we grabbed the waiter who had been serving Mr. Cowboy Hat and asked if that was Lyle Lovett over there. The waiter had no idea who we were talking about. I wanted to slap the kid across the face. He then said, "I'll go ask if you want me to."

And he did.

And it was!

I felt bad for interrupting his meal, so I went over and apologized for sending the waiter. Lyle (as I call him now), was very cordial, asked my name and was a very, very kind man. I figured we had already bothered him enough, so I didn't ask for a picture or anything...but was truly impressed at how nice he was.

And that was the night I met Lyle Lovett.

2010-11-27T17:03:00.003-07:00

Whoa...That's Hot

One of the rig crew came by with some homemade jerky that he was sharing with all willing to "dare" take a piece. Never being reluctant when it comes to trying food, I of course took sample.

My mouth still burns.

This jerky was made with the infamous Ghost Pepper. It is THE hottest pepper in the world.

It is pretty hot.

Maybe the old adage of not taking food from strangers is good advice...

2010-11-17T19:53:00.003-07:00

The DQ Nazi

I take my ice cream very seriously. VERY seriously. So when it comes to partaking in the pleasure of this sub-zero calf nourishment, I have a tendency to be pretty picky.

Now rewind several years to a brief time that I lived in the greater St. George area. While down there, I had the great pleasure to work with a young man, whose parents happened to own the local Dairy Queen. Because of this connection, any time that I frequented the DQ, I was given the employee discount of 50% off. I ate a lot of ice cream there.

During that time, I learned to fine-tune the infamous Blizzard Treat to the exact specifications that made my palette dance. Specifically, I typically order a Chocolate Hawaiian Blizzard. The Hawaiian has pineapple, coconut and banana, but unlike the Island version, it doesn't have nuts in it. Also, it is typically served with Vanilla, but I found that Chocolate takes it to a whole new level of awesomeness.

So, back to Texas, where I am currently biding my time. We have found that Dairy Queen happens to be quite the common landmark in Texas. In fact, it is one of only 4 major chain restaurants in town.

We have been going there almost every other day, typically it is for a Blizzard.

However, we learned quickly that this particular Dairy Queen is the home of the DQ Nazi!

I have met a lot of people in this world. I have met a lot of people in the Customer Service industry. However, in all this time, I have never met a person with poorer customer service skills than this Gem of an Employee.

She is an older lady, with what sounds like a high-pitched smoker's coughing voice. She has a gift for rolling her eyes at you and making you feel about 2 inches tall. She seems to get along wonderfully well with her fellow coworkers...but if you are a customer...expect no respect.

Here is just a sampling of some of the events we have seen since meeting the DQ Nazi, (by the way...all of her responses were yelled unless otherwise noted):

To one of my coworkers when he asked for a Root Beer Freeze: "I don't know how to do that!"

To someone in the drive-thru: "Shut up! I told you to wait! I'll be with you in a minute!"

To another coworker: "We don't have any ice cream!"

One other coworker: "Don't pay now, I'll get all your orders!"

To me, (when I asked for a Chocolate Hawaiian Blizzard): "We don't have any chocolate!"

When I asked her if she could put chocolate syrup in it, she responded with a "grumph" and a roll of her eyes: "Well...yes."

That chocolate syrup conversation has actually happened twice. The same way both times.

And she has started adding nuts to my Blizzards too.

I don't know why it is...but I think that she is one of the biggest reasons we keep going back there!

2010-11-12T14:29:00.007-07:00

The 72 Oz. Challenge

Well I told you that we, (my buddies and I), were going to attempt the Big Texan 72 oz. Steak Challenge. Basically you have to eat a 72 oz. steak, a baked potato, a roll, salad and 3 pieces of breaded shrimp. If you complete it in 60 minutes, the meal is free, plus you get a t-shirt proclaiming that you succeeded in the challenge. If you don't complete it, you still get a shirt that says you tried...and you have to pay $72.

So four of us went for it. None of us completed it. Eric put in the best performance, eating almost 3/4ths of the steak, plus most of the sides. The rest of us, Jason, Jason, and I, finished half of our steaks, plus our sides.

The biggest thing that killed me was the chewing, (my jaws hurt so bad!), and the texture of the meat after 36 oz of steak passing through my mouth. At the end of the hour, I could still fit some more food in my stomach...I just couldn't chew it.

But I am glad that I tried. How often do you get to make the attempt?

And here, for your viewing pleasure, are some pictures courtesy of our friend Jay:

Outside the Big Texan

Signing the release forms

The steaks cooking

Hearing the Rules

The Challenge!

The end of the line

Our shirts

Leaving with our heads held high

2010-11-10T20:46:00.008-07:00

The Burger From He**

Several years ago a television show called, "Man vs. Food" premiered. It is basically a show where the host, Adam, goes around to various restaurants to take on their local food challenges. Some of them are spicy and hot, and some of them are just large and voluminous.

The very first episode that I saw was filmed in Amarillo, TX, (which happens to be about 80 miles from where I am right now). In the episode, Adam took on two challenges that have stuck out in my mind ever since.
The first was the Burger From Hell. At the Coyote Bluff Cafe, they take a half pound beef patty, put on a full cup of fresh jalapeños, a Habanero pepper sauce, and Tabasco Sauce. Then a large amount of cheese is melted over the whole thing to trap all the heat in. Add a little lettuce and tomato, and you have the Burger From Hell.
Ever since I saw that episode, I have wanted to eat that burger.
My first attempt to eat it happened back in October. We came out to Amarillo with the specific intent to eat this burger. We arrived at the opening time, sat down, and without hesitation, I told the waitress that I wanted a Burger From Hell. She told me they were missing one of the ingredients and that it wouldn't taste the same, (specifically the Habanaro pepper sauce). I consoled myself with a Green Chile Burger, saddened by the fact that I wasn't going to fulfill my goal that day.
But lament not! My chance at redemption came yesterday, November 9, 2010.
We drove in to Amarillo, once again with the goal of going to the Coyote Bluff Cafe. We arrived on time, sat down, and once again, ordered the burger. This time we had success!

The burger was fantastic. I won't lie...it was very, very hot. But it also was very, very good. It seems that whenever something goes to one extreme, such as heat, something else is sacrificed, such as taste. But that was not the case here. This burger, despite kicking my heat sensors off the charts, was delicious!

If you are ever in the Amarillo, TX area, I highly recommend that you try this burger.

Tomorrow, I and my buddies will be attempting the OTHER challenge that was featured on "Man vs. Food". At the Big Texan Restaurant, they offer a 72 Oz. Steak Dinner Challenge. You have to eat the steak (72 oz.), a baked potato, salad, roll and three pieces of shrimp. If you eat it all in an hour, it is free. If not...it costs $72.

Either way you get a t-shirt. One that says you succeeded...and one that says you tried.

If you want to watch, they have a live Internet feed. Go to www.bigtexan.com and watch us around 5:30 PM MST. We are going to be there around 5:00, but it takes about a half hour to cook the steak.

Wish me luck!

2010-11-10T19:31:00.003-07:00

The 3 A's

This is just an interesting little tidbit into my social life...specifically what happened last week in said social life.
As many of you know, back in Sept., I had just started seeing a girl in my ward. We went out several times, she had amazing kids, and for the most part...(at least as far as I could tell), things were going swimmingly.
Apparently, I was mistaken.
I went on a trip to Texas, and while out punching holes deep into the ground, I never heard one word from this girl. Despite two phone calls, (one voicemail), one e-mail and one text message spread over a two week period, (any more and I would have been crossing the line into Stalker); I never received any sort of response.
Now, I knew that she was busy with school, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed that upon my return, things would pick up again and life in the dating world would be bliss.
Almost a full week back in Utah...and I hadn't heard or seen her. I had hopes that when I turned up at church that Sunday...things would all make sense. And they did...but not in the way I expected.
While sitting in the chapel waiting for the services to begin, she came walking in, big smile on her face, laughing and holding on to...another guy.

Have you ever had a 5-6 year old child run at you full bore and nail you in the stomach/groin with his or her head...because that is at just the right height?
That's what I felt like when I saw her walk in. If I hadn't had the responsibility to teach Elder's Quorum that day, I would have walked out right then and attended a different ward.
But I didn't. And the lesson went well. It was on patience. It was appropriate. Especially considering my dating life and attempts to work towards marriage.

I went home after church and declared for all the Facebook world to see that I had given up. I was done. I had given everything that I had to my efforts at following the Lord's will (and His commandments), to get married...but obviously, nothing has panned out. So I decided that I was done. I would continue to do what is right, stay active in Church and put forth my best efforts towards work, family and friends. But efforts to date were completely shut off. In a very personal moment with the Lord, I promised Him that I would keep my eyes open, but hoped that He would guide me to the right place...at the right time...according to His will.

After that, I felt at peace that everything was going to be ok. Life is still good, and that girl didn't know what she had passed by. Despite my serious lack of follicle supply on my noggin...I still have a lot to offer.

So I pressed forward. I found many things to enjoy and partake in. But I also saw that the Lord wasn't going to let me rest on my laurels for long.

I have a very close friend, whom I very much enjoy spending time with. We met through unusual circumstances as she was dating my cousin for quite some time. During their relationship, she and I built a very solid friendship ourselves. Her name is Ashli. I've mentioned her before when I gave a shout out to her blog.

Ashli is one of my best friends...and at a time when I was avoiding the whole dating scene, she was there to keep me from holing myself into my Man Cave and shunning all social interaction. She got me out on the town, and I hope she knows how much I appreciate that.

So the Friday following that Sunday when I gave up...she and I went out to dinner and a movie and I was able to not dwell on anything of ill will, but rather enjoy the night. Thanks Ashli.

A few days later I was on my way home from Indiana and got a text from another friend, who wanted to set me up on a blind date. I will be honest, (and she, my friend doesn't know this...but), I almost said no. However, because of the respect I have for my friend...I agreed to a lunch date. She helped make the arrangements, and on that Wednesday I took out her co-worker...a girl named Ashley.

I actually had a very good time with Ashley. We went to lunch at a new restaurant in Provo called Molly's. I am glad that I didn't decline. Thank you Hayley my friend...and Ashley.

Finally, on Thursday evening, (the next day), I normally go to Institute because a great man named Thomas Monson, said that I should make it a priority. However, before getting to that, my cousin got married, so I attended the reception. It is always a grand time to see and visit family...especially those that give me a hard time about still being single. (Love you Uncle Joe) The reception was a lot of fun. It did however, put me behind schedule for making it to Institute on time. As I was rushing over to the Church building, another friend, Jon, called me up to chat. I can never say no to him...so we talked for about 45 minutes. Yes...I was REALLY late at this point.

While he and I were talking though, a young woman pulled into the parking lot, and jumping from her car, wearing her running clothes, she rushed passed me into the church. Two things went through my head at this point: 1) This girl must have the wrong Institute class, as it is for people 30 and older...and this girl looked MUCH younger than that, and 2) She had a really nice smile...because she smile directly at me. So I noticed it.

Anyway, 10 minutes or so later, I finished my phone call and went into the building. As I walked up to the classroom, I saw that the young woman who had passed me earlier was standing outside the room, listening through the door. I went to a second door and gestured to wards it, implying the question of whether she would join me or not. She politely waved a decline, and I entered into the classroom alone. There was only one chair in the back available, and I made myself comfortable with the last 15 minutes of class.

About 2 minutes later, the young woman from the hall came through the same door I had offered her earlier...(she must be independently minded)...and as there were no chairs available, (other than the front row...which NOBODY ever wants), I quickly stood up, offering her my chair and grabbed another one from the stack in the corner.

Guess what! She accepted my offer!

Class continued on for the last few minutes left, and it was a very good lesson. At the conclusion of class I turned to this girl sitting next to me and teased her about finally coming in, rather than hovering outside the door. In her defense, she said that she could hear the lesson just fine until some kids started causing a ruckus in the hallway, and that was why she came in. However, I like to think that she really came in hoping that a seat would be available near that handsome bald guy that just went in.

Anyway, we talked for quite a while, mostly about food and England, before I finally asked her for her name.

Ashlee.

I had to stop myself from saying, "Of course it is."

And that is the story of the three A's, Ashli, Ashley and Ashlee.

2010-11-08T21:56:00.003-07:00

Travel

Considering how often I travel, it was inevitable that things such as this were bound to happen to me. However, one would expect that these things would probably be spread out over a larger time frame than, "all in the same trip".
First of all, let me do my childish lament about losing my Platinum Status in January. Because of the way certain trips have fallen, not all of them have been of the sort to give me more Frequent Flyer Miles. Sadly...come January, I will be reverted back to a more "common" status. I know I should NOT complain, as I have been very, very blessed in my life, especially when it comes to being able to see the world. However, when you get pampered for a long time...it is hard to let go.
Ok...lamenting aside. Let's get to the adventure.

So I am back in Texas, and happy to be here. But let's back track a bit to Saturday, as I was getting ready for this trip. Because it was such an early morning flight, the shuttle was scheduled to pick me up between 4:30 AM and 5:00 AM. They have been known to show up earlier, so I figured, rather than chance missing them, (especially with Day Light Savings starting up), I would just stay awake all night. It is a common practice that I have started doing, just so I can sleep on the plane.
So I stay up...finish packing...read...work on an expense report...and finally, just sit and stare at the wall until 4:31. At this point I get a phone call from the shuttle company. They cheerily inform me that the shuttle driver has locked his keys in his car and is unable to pick me up. However, the 5:30 AM shuttle should be able to get me to the airport on time.
That will be fine.
So I wait around another hour and 15 minutes until the shuttle finally arrives. Hooray!
Fortunately, this driver had a lead foot and we got to the airport with 51 minutes before my flight is supposed to take off. The airline does not allow anyone to check in after 45 before the flight. I checked in with 47 minutes to go. Now to security!
Being a seasoned traveler, I have security line processes down to an art form. I can have everything ready and get through the check points without slowing down the line.
However, as I walked through the metal detector and saw my fellow traveler just beyond the barriers, one of the TSA agents stepped forward and informed me that I had been selected for a random screening and pat down.
Greeeeaat.
So they pick up my backpack, shoes and coat and escort me to the side of security and begin to wipe down my belongings with their super-special explosive checking cloths. These cloths are then ran through a machine that tells if any chemicals that MAY be explosive are found.
They also get to do a pretty intrusive pat-down to yours truly.
Things were running along swimmingly...I consented to the search as I had nothing to hide, and I could see my buddy a few yards away just laughing it up. The TSA agents were very friendly, and I honestly think they were more uncomfortable than I was.
So we start finishing up, my belongings checked out clean, and the pat down had just completed. The final step was swabbing the gloves that were used for the pat down, and seeing if any chemicals were found there.
The security guys were thanking me for my cooperation and willingness to work with them...and then the alarms went off.
Everyone froze and a supervisor was motioned to come over. I was told that SOMETHING from my pat down had set off the explosive chemical alarm. There was going to be another pat down...this time, even more intrusive. And it would be conducted in a private screening room, (instead of the public setting in which I found myself).
So once again I was escorted aside and taken into The Room. Now this search was not the horrific, "Welcome To Prison" type search you may be imagining. But regardless, the security agents were very, very nervous. A new set of gloves was pulled out and the pat down began. I think in some of the bad parts of Vegas, you would have to pay for the services that I got for free.
Finally, the tests were ran again on the gloves...and this time they came back clean. I have no idea how I would have explained myself to my bosses if I ended up on a No-Fly list. Fortunately, I had nothing to worry about.
It was at this point that I was allowed to put my shoes back on, grab my bag and run as quickly as I could to our gate that was already boarding. My buddy laughed and pointed at me the entire run. But we made our flight.
Of course I didn't sleep the entire time, and when we arrived in Denver...I tried to nap during our layover.
Once we got to Oklahoma we were able to get our rental car and drive into Shamrock, TX...which is where I am now.

Yahoo! And Thank You TSA...for all your hard, and uncomfortable work!

2010-11-08T21:04:00.009-07:00

And here we go again...

I will just warn you up front that this is going to be a long post. Life really is worth living and I am trying to pack the most of it into the time that I have.
Let's backtrack a few weeks to when I first got home from Texas. As you know from my last post, I was out helping with a new well in the Panhandle area of northern Texas. I can happily say that everything on that went far more smoothly than any of us ever could have hoped for.
The best part of getting home was getting to meet for the first time, my new niece, Phoebe. She was born to Bridgett and Rory while I was away...and this was my first chance to hold her. She is beautiful. And has far more hair than I do.
When I got home to Utah, I took the first few days to catch up on bills and whatnot. I always enjoy fossicking around the untouched piles of unattended items and seeing how my life still continues to plod forward, even when I am not around for it.
That Wednesday, feeling some pains in my neck and lower back, I sought out a massage therapist and had my first, official massage. My cousin Laura recommended her friend that lived locally, and let me tell you...it was amazing! I felt so much better afterwards. I think this is going to become a regular occurrence.
It's a good thing I was relaxed because that evening the Lifferths all gathered together in Provo to celebrate Grandma Lifferth's 90th birthday party. As has become tradition, the grandkids (and mostly great-grandkids), put together a talent show for all the residents of the home. Due to traffic, our usual MC for such events, (Uncle Bob), was delayed in his arrival. And as it was almost time for most of our geriatric crowd to go to bed, (you know...6:00 PM), I was asked to step in as the new MC. If you know me at all, you know I quite enjoy being the center of attention...especially with a microphone. I jumped at the opportunity. We had a wonderful show with many musical numbers, poems, and football tossing skills. The highlight though, was the only act that was done by anyone over the age of 13. It was the magic show done by Craig and Daren. It was fantastic!
After we all wished her a happy birthday and wished Grandma a good night, it still being Wednesday, meant only one thing:

Trafalga Night!!

Quite a few of us who hang out all the time, all bought season passes. So it was a long night of go-karts, batting cages, mini-golf and the XD-Virtual Roller Coaster! It was fantastic.
On Friday I drove out to Colorado and back. A local community college was naming their new engineering building after my Granddad Striegel. We were invited to attend the grand ribbon cutting, (and had the honor of standing in the picture of said cutting). It was so wonderful to visit with family and see all of them. I love those guys.

The next morning, (having gotten back from Colorado for a date the night before), we awoke to Saturday Morning Football! Now that cousin Scott and his family are back in town, football has started up again. And once again, we all realized how much out of shape (and older) we are. But still...so much fun.
Sunday was great as usual. I made it down to Payson to visit the family. I really do enjoy Sunday Dinners.
The next few days were filled with a variety of visits with family and friends. That is until Wednesday when I got to fly out to Indiana and visit my brother Noah and his family.
Obviously the first thing I had to do was re-establish my position as "Favorite Uncle". So I pulled out the big guns...how big you ask? The biggest. I found on Amazon (dot com), the World's Largest Gummy Bear. It is 5 pounds of pure awesomeness. I brought three of them. One for Gabby, one for Alex and one for Oliver. I am sure Kaila was quite happy that her children now had a year's supply of Gummy.

Thursday I got to go into Noah's work and get a tour of the facility where he works. Cummins Diesel Engines have a very, very impressive set up in Columbus Indiana. I was grateful for the opportunity to see how they operate and everything they have donated and contributed to the Columbus Community.

On Friday we went to Louisville, KY. There we first toured the Louisville Slugger museum/factory. If you are a baseball fan, you must make a trip to this place at least once in your life. Besides the souvenir bat that you receive at the end of the tour, you can also try the batting cages, hold one of Mickey Mantle's bats, and see what a 90 mph fastball really looks like. I think the best part was as we were going through the factory, they were actually in the process of making bats for the World Series that had just started. A piece of wood from one of the bats came off the lathe and landed near me, and is now at home on my dresser.

We then went to visit my cousin Austin and his wonderful family. After being so hospitable with feeding us and entertaining us, they also invited us to their Ward's Trunk-Or-Treat. What a great time we had with the members of the church there in the backwoods of Kentucky! They were very kind and welcoming.
Saturday we had the chance to drive up to Indianapolis and see the big city. We toured around downtown, and then went to the Indy 500 Racecar track. We actually got a chance to ride ON the track. That was SO COOL!

But not quite as cool as what happened on Monday.
Sunday we had a great time visiting and seeing their neighbors. I also had the chance to go spend some time with Uncle Ernie and Aunt Judy. Ernie took me out to some property they had where they have campouts and picnics. What beautiful countryside out there! I am very grateful for the opportunity I had to spend time with Ernie. Much like all of my uncles, he is a great man.
On Monday we (Noah and his family, and I), went into Cincinnati before I flew home. We first found the ONLY ventriloquist museum in the world. Sadly, it was closed...so there was no fodder fed to the creepy nightmare supplies. However, it was cool to be there. We then walked across a bridge, (across the Ohio River) that was used to model the Brooklyn Bridge. On the way back across, there was a large barge passing under us. So we stopped to watch it. Kaila wondered aloud if the barge captain would honk his horn if we pumped our fist (much like you do when a semi-truck is coming towards you). I answered her that there was only one way to find out. And guess what...the Captain didn't disappoint.
I am pretty sure that the horn blare was heard throughout most of the city of Cincinnati. It was so incredibly loud. However, despite the volume, while the kids were holding their hands over their ears, they were still exclaiming, "THIS IS SO COOL!!"
And it was.

Sadly, the time came that I had to fly home. As we were pulling into the terminal, Alex started to get emotional in the backseat. Kaila asked him what the matter was. Between sobs, he replied, "I don't want Uncle Zach to leave...he helped me get to level 5 in Paper Mario."

I almost cried myself.

I really had such an amazing time with Noah, Kaila and the kids. They were so nice to have me and really showed me a great time. Thanks guys!

When I got home, it was once again CRAZY time. I knew I was flying out again on Sunday, so I still had much to do.
Wednesday I got another massage.
Wednesday was also a monumental day in that I went to the dentist. I won't lie...this is a huge deal as I hadn't been to the dentist in over 9 years. You can imagine, that with my regular intake of Dr. Pepper, I was expecting some bad news. I was waiting for the lecture on my Swiss Cheese teeth when the doctor returned and congratulated me for having zero cavities. I asked him if he was sure and then told him how long it had been since I had visited one of his profession. He assured me that he knew what he was doing, then proceeded to lecture me about the importance of regular dentist visits. I promised him I would do better.
Wednesday night was, of course, Trafalga Night. This time we went to the one in Lehi and quite enjoyed the bumper boats and Laser Tag.
Thursday my cousin Adam married a wonderful young lady named Jamie, and I was very glad to attend their reception and see a lot of family.
Friday I went to lunch with two of my best friends, (Jon and Todd). We found a great new BBQ place down on Geneva Road in Orem. You simply MUST try it...unless you are a vegetarian...in which case you should slam your head against a wall until you realize that meat is delicious, then go try it.
Saturday was football again....and then bright and early Sunday Morning, I was off to Texas.
Now the observant reader may have noted a significant lack of dating stories. That's because I am throwing that into a separate post. Read on friend...read on.

2010-10-15T06:39:00.004-06:00

Satisfaction...

Have you ever come off of one of those work shifts where you are already in your 30th overtime hour, every impossible scenario that no one thought would ever happen...did, and you were the one in charge?

I just had one of those shifts.

But as I walked away from the tower this morning, all "fires" now under control, with my shoulders drooping just a bit from exhaustion, I pulled off my hard hat with a dirty, gloved hand, turned and saw the sun just starting to begin the day breaking a purple, red and orange dawn across the Texas plains. At that moment, I knew that today was a whole new day and that everything was going to be all right.

Now that...is a feeling of satisfaction.

2010-10-12T02:15:00.004-06:00

And…TIME!

And time! Wow…that was tough. I want to thank you for your participation with me in this, the longest hiatus I have ever taken from blogging. I won’t lie; it was tough. There were times that I almost broke down and posted a blog. There was the night that I was hob-knobbing with a hobo, (Wow! What a night that was!). And who can forget the trip to Seven Peaks Resort? Not to mention my new challenge of Super Mario Galaxy 2. But I knew that you, my fans and readers, were holding strong. It was with this knowledge that I was able to draw from your strength and push through this sabbatical from the online world. So thank you for helping me through this. Now that it is over, we can continue where we left off.

So the last time we convened here in Blogspot, I was in Louisiana helping to save the world. No worries…we did. The world is fine. Granted, it is a little worse for the wear, but Mother Nature is a resilient old Gaia and she is going to be just fine.
One night, not long after my excursion in the Gulf, I was in downtown Provo enjoying a live performance of “A Boy And His Balloon”. After the show, I went outside to University Avenue and found that my car wouldn’t start. It seemed that the starter was out. While I waited for the tow truck, I sat down on the street bench next to one of our local celebrities in the Bindle World, that of The Old Man with the Shopping Cart. For those of you who frequent the Provo area, you no doubt have seen this gentleman of senior age as he wanders north and south pushing his cart up and down the Ave. He had decided to rest from his daily travels right next to my broken down car. He immediately engaged me in conversation, specifically about my car. He launched into a comparison of my car’s specs and held them up in juxtaposition to similar cars of that category. The width and breadth of his knowledge was quite impressive.
From the car discussion, he transitioned into a discussion of politics, tax laws and investments. Due to the lack of anyone else to converse with, I half-heartedly paid attention to what he was saying. As he continued on this rigmarole of pecuniary topics, I realized that he sure seemed to know a lot about these things. It was then that I noticed he was wearing an Omega watch on his left hand. Whether it was a knock-off or not…I was impressed at his choice of chronograph. It left me scratching my head as the tow truck showed up to deliver my hobbled vehicle to the shop, wondering what events in this man’s life had lead him to this bench on this night. I hope to talk with him again someday.

I bought a motorcycle. No really…I did. I have wanted to buy one for some time. In fact, not too long ago, the following conversation took place between me and my mother:
Me: So I want to buy a motorcycle.
Mom: I forbid you from doing so. As long as you are my son, you can’t buy a motorcycle.
Me: But Mom…look at the facts- Dad owned a motorcycle, he got married. Noah owned a motorcycle, he got married. Gabe owned a motorcycle and he got married. (This continued on dragging into the mix uncles and cousins alike)
Mom: So what kind are you looking to get?
To be honest…I first looked at getting a new Tacoma. I miss my truck. However, the current price for a brand new, off-the-lot Tacoma was more than I was willing to shell out…so I went and bought a 2009 Honda Shadow Spirit (750). It is black and I am quite pleased with the purchase.

I went to the Seven Peaks Water Park just before Labor Day. I had forgotten how much fun that place is. However, I think we played it right by going after 6:00 (for a reduced price), in that we most definitely got the most out of our entrance fee.
The Orem Owlz put on a couple of good games that I was able to go to. To one, I took a lovely young woman and her two kids. I think that was the best game I went to this year.

Speaking of dates…around the beginning of September, I asked out a charming young lass, who accompanied me to a dinner of Vietnamese food, arcade games and a night of comedy. I had a wonderful time…but I think I may have moved too fast with her transitioning from Friends to a Date.

Yep…that’s all the detail you are getting on my dating life for now. Enjoy it.

Just before my birthday, I was able to go out to Oklahoma and Texas to help prepare for our next deployment for work. We were gone for about 3 days and ate at 3 different steakhouses. Downtown Oklahoma is actually a pretty cool place to hang out. We saw the American Banjo Museum (at least from the outside because it was closed). We walked down Flaming Lips Avenue and Mickey Mantle Blvd. We also got to eat at the Spaghetti Warehouse! The name says it all.

My birthday was fantastic. I thank all those who wished me a happy birthday. I really do have wonderful friends and family. They are also very generous.
The best part of my birthday was that I got to head out to Colorado with my cousin Jen, her family and Uncle Karl. We went to my Uncle Bud’s cabin and thoroughly enjoyed the entire place to just ourselves. The beauty of the autumnal foliage was absolutely stunning! It seemed that each day the colors became even more vivid and bright. We hiked, rode 4-wheelers, fished and just enjoyed the beauty of Nature. It was a really great weekend.

Finally…before I get to my current location…I bought the new Super Mario Galaxy 2 game. I am currently in the process of dominating it like I did the original.
And now I find myself just outside of Shamrock, TX. I am here for a couple weeks for work as we take on a pretty challenging deployment for work. If (or rather WHEN) everything goes well, this contract will be very promising for the company as a whole.

But boy, oh boy have I eaten a lot of steak out here.

Did you know the gas station that everyone congregated around in the animated movie, “Cars” was based on a real building? It’s here in Shamrock.

2010-07-19T14:47:00.003-06:00

In Other News...

A few weeks ago we had our annual trip to Colorado for the 4th of July. These trips always proved to be full of four things:
1 - Family
2 - Food
3 - Fireworks
4 - Funny Stories

This year was no exception. Besides lighting off one firework that was called, "The Instigator", (that was 2 feet wide and 8 feet long), I came away with a fantastic Max Story.

Max is my nephew. He is 3 years old, and one of the most conversationalist people you will EVER meet. If you engage him in talking, bracket out about an hour of your day to follow through with him.

Now, because he is still only 3 years old, there are two things that you would rightly assume about him. The first is that he is very inquisitive, constantly asking questions to learn about everything around him. The second thing is that he is still pretty impressionable and you have to be careful what you tell him. Here is a case in point.

We were driving from one place to another and I happened to be in the back seat with young Max enjoying the day. He was all safe, all snug in his car seat and I was reading a book called, "Consent to Kill" by Vince Flynn. (Excellent book if you like the whole counter-terrorism genre).

Max saw that I was deeply immersed into my book, so he asked what I was reading. As I started to tell him the title, his wise father, Erik spoke over me and told Max that the title of the book was "Consent to Tickle."

This seemed to satisfy Max for a total of 2 seconds. He then asked, "What's it about Uncle Zach?"

I proceeded to tell him that one man had been paid a lot of money to go and tickle another man, but the other man did NOT want to be tickled at all. Sadly, the second man's wife was tickled instead and he was not happy. Not in the least. So he set out to tickle the first man.

Erik then interjected his comments regarding my synopsis of the book. He said, "Way to go Zach...you took it from violence to homo-erotic."

I'll never get it right.

On another note, let me invite you to check out my Aunt's new blog:

Wild Oats and Aprons
My Aunt Tanna has put together a lot of whole-grain and healthy type recipes. I don't cook outside of microwave and....well...that's it. But if you have any interest in cooking healthy at all...check out the blog.

2010-07-17T21:44:00.005-06:00

Random Thoughts

I'm currently sitting in the Days Inn of Galliano, LA. I've been down here for just over a week, enjoying the humidity and heat that is The South. Surprisingly, I have never actually been this far south in the States, and have quite enjoyed learning about this whole new world that, (frankly put), most people don't understand. The biggest thing that I have come to finally understand is the term, "Southern Hospitatlity". It is truly amazing how nice these people are.
The other day, my buddy and I were in the laundromat getting some clothes cleaned, and a couple of local ladies that were there doing their own loads came over and asked us if we would like to join them for lunch, as they had brough way too much for just themselves. We had just finished a big meal, so we politely declined. However, they came back 4 times to make sure we weren't hungry.

I was telling this story to one of the guys down here that we have been working with, a local, and he kind of laughed when I told him how genuinely NICE these ladies had been. He then said, "Well...we really don't know any other way to be down here."

It's really impressive how they have taken the Savior's teaching of "Love Thy Neighbor" to heart.

Some other things I have been up to include:
I've been on the Tabasco Tour (twice).

I've seen alligators in the wild.

I've been eaten by a large, novelty alligator.

Tried some amazing Cajun/Southern/Bayou foods, (i.e. crawfish, boudin, cracklins', shrimp, alligator, etc.)

And I am currently playing a role in helping stop some oil leak that occurred down here a couple months ago.

Yes, it's true...I lead quite the life.

From the personal aspect of life, you probably already know that I am once again single. I wish I could convey to you exactly what happened...but I am at a loss for words. There is nothing even remotely bad that I could say about Rebekah. She is a wonderful, caring, fantastic person. It just didn't work out.

Since then, I have taken a sabbatical from dating. A week or so after I became single, a friend of mine wanted to set me up. At first I was gung-ho about it, but after the initial suggestion, I started feeling sick about dating. It had nothing to do with the person I was getting set up with...heck, I didn't even meet her or learn much about her besides her name and age. I just couldn't stomach the idea of dating again.

I've tried. I have given everything I can think of to trying to find someone to settle down with. I have tried jumping in with both feet...I have tried being aloof. I have heard that it's when you DON'T expect it, that things happen, so I went about not expecting it. I have prayed for it, sought for it, chased it, and was chased by it. Save a two year break where I served a mission, I have given 18 years to the dating game...and I don't even want to know how much money I have spent.

So for now...I am done. If you ask to set me up, expect my answer to be "No". It is nothing personal...it's just the way things are for now. I need to do this for me.

That's all...I think I am going to read a book.

2010-06-22T14:32:00.005-06:00

Poison Ivy

Not her
When I was in the 6th Grade, I had the great pleasure of learning first-hand what it is like to have poison ivy, and the itching and scratching and swelling, and pussing that goes with it...on my face.

We still don't know how I got it all over my face, however, it was there...and it wasn't pleasant. My face was also swollen and misshapen. Not that it was ever that shapen to begin with.

And yes...there is a picture out there somewhere, but darn it all, can't find it :)

I recollect this now because a few days ago...Poison Ivy and I once again came together. I am pretty sure I know where and when it happened...however, as you will learn if you ever cross paths with this itchy vixen...the rash and itching will sometimes take up to 48 hours before showing up. At that point, you may have inadvertently spread it to other parts of your body.

Fortunately, this round of rash-bashing has kept to a pretty minimal area on my right leg. I have been able to contain it by keeping it wrapped and dry, changing the dressing about every 12 hours.

So I share with you today some words of advice if you ever come across Poison Ivy. First things first...if you know you have touched it, wash the area thoroughly. It is actually the oil from the plant that causes the rash and itching. This oil can remain potent up to a year after being brushed off of the plant. It is also located all over the plant, on leaves, stems, stalk and root.

If you scratch before washing, the oil can get under your nails and then spread to wherever else you may touch with your fingers.

Don't pick your nose.

That said...once the rash appears, and there really isn't much you can do to prevent it if you haven't washed thoroughly...is to just keep it clean. It will itch. It will blister. The blisters WILL pop. The area will be covered in yellow puss. Just keep cleaning it.

Doctors can give you medication to help...but most of it is not as affective as you would hope.

Best solution of all though...just don't mess with the stuff. It looks like this:

Remember, "Leaves of 3...let it be!"

2010-06-06T12:50:00.014-06:00

Taco Crawl

Most of you know that I LOVE food. I am a huge fan of trying new things, and am always looking for great places with good food. Well, while I was down in Trinidad, I came across a new podcast that helps feed my love of cuisine. It's called Vendr.TV. Basically the host goes around to different street vendors around the country and tries the different wares they have to offer. In one episode, he and a friend were in downtown L.A. with the sole purpose of trying several taco stands and finding which ones were best.

Taking this as inspiration, my buddy Scott and I decided that we should have our own Taco Crawl. So yesterday I drove up to Salt Lake, and from 1:00 until 6:00 PM we ate tacos.

Scott had researched and mapped out any and all places that served tacos that he could find in the general area. There are a LOT of places you can get tacos.

We ended up hitting eight (8) different tacos stands and establishments over those 5 hours. It was absolutely fantastic.

While we were there, we took notes of the experience. So now I can happily share with you our impressions, along with pictures and information about each of the stands. Overall, I have to state that the general consensus was that those places that can't afford the nicer amenities and frills, had to rely on putting their all into their food. They made their food with love and care...they focused on flavor. The quality and taste were far superior in these "run-down" locations, as opposed to the nicer, "cleaner" establishments. All of the addresses are in Salt Lake or the Salt Lake area. They are listed in the order that we visited them. We ranked the tacos on a scale of 1 to 5 Shells, and have recommendations if you ever have a hankering for a taco. Oh and if you don't want to hassle with actually reading through all of these...my vote for the best location is # 5 on this list - Don Martin Street Cart. The address is below.

Without further adieu:

The Taco Crawl 2010

1 - Sergio's - 900 West 200 South - (the building looks like a warehouse, and the door is about halfway down the north side)
Tacos cost $1 each and we both ordered 2.
Zachary - Ordered 1 Al Pastor (Spicy Pork) which was very good. It had really good flavor and reminded me a lot of the many tacos I used to eat in Southern California. I also got a Carnitas (Grilled Pork), which tasted pretty good, but was sort of dry.
Scott ordered an Asada (Beef) which he thought was pretty decent, and a Chorizo (Mexican Sausage), that he raved about for quite awhile. He seemed to have liked it.
The condiment selection was slightly limited, however, we did find that the Red Sauce had much better flavor than the Green Sauce.
Rankings - Al Pastor - 5 Shells, Carnitas - 3 Shells, Asada - 4 Shells, Chorizo - 5 Shells

2 - Red Iguana 2 - 866 West 200 South
This establishment is more of a sit-down type restaurant with full entrees and free chips and salsa (which was very spicy, but great flavor). So the meals were a little more expensive.
Zachary - Ordered Traditional Tacos (2) - $8 - These were pretty decent tacos. With a choice between chicken or beef, I ordered both. Honestly, they were pretty commonplace as far as tacos go. They were good...but common. 3 - Shells
Scott - Ordered the Tacos A La Iguana (3) - $10 - These were very good tacos. They were a bit oily, but the flavor was fantastic, very strong. This also had the added bonus of melted cheese at the bottom of the shells, that was deliciously gooey. 5 - Shells

3 - Don Rafa Street Cart - 800 South State Street, west side of Sears Parking Lot
This was our first "official" taco stand, as it was in fact, mobile. The people working the cart were very friendly and eager to help you without being overly pushy. They had a wonderful selection of condiments, with several types of salsa (which they happily pointed out which ones were hot and which ones were more mild), marinated carrots (of which I am a huge fan and Scott had never had before...but has been converted), and lots of lime wedges, (which are important for juice and flavor). We ordered just two tacos and shared them because our next stop was literally just around the corner. Tacos were 2 for $1.50.
Carnitas - This had decent flavor, but was very dry. 2 Shells
Barbacoa - (BBQ Pork) - This taco was delicious. It was tangy and flavorful with just the right amount of spice. The meat was very tender and moist. 4 - Stars

4 - El Toro Street Cart - 800 South State Street, south side of Sears Parking Lot
This was another "official" taco stand that was also ran by some very friendly people. The condiment bar was not as plentiful as the last cart we had attended, it's greatest grievance was that it was lacking any lime wedges. However, the pico de gallo was fresh and crisp. Again we just ordered two tacos. Tacos were 2 for $1.50
Carnitas - The carnitas were starting to disappoint. This batch was pretty grisly...but it had a good salty, savory flavor. Still though, only 2 Shells.
Al Pastor - You can't go wrong with this one. It was very spicy and delicious. Good strong flavor. 4 Shells.

5 - Don Martin Street Cart - 1100 East 2100 South, Sugarhouse - Across the street from library
As previously mentioned, this cart has my vote for best taco stand found in the Taco Crawl of 2010. The lady that was running the cart was very friendly and happy to talk about the different types of meats and tacos that were available. The condiment bar was fantastic and held, probably the best pico de gallo that we found that day. It was very fresh, crisp, and besides the traditional tomatoes and onions, this one also had diced green peppers in it. Very good addition.
Zachary - Carnitas - This one had really good flavor, but was a bit dry. Still, I gave it 3 Shells.
Scott - Asada - This one also demonstrated good flavor but was a bit on the dry side. 4 Shells.
We both ordered the Al Pastor...and this is where the cart really separated itself from the crowds. This was one of the best Al Pastor tacos that I have ever had in my life. The flavor was amazing. It was quite spicy, without overwhelming the taste buds. The meat was moist and tender and just demonstrated what Al Pastor is supposed to taste like. This one easily earned 5 Shells. (Though I argued to extend our rankings to now include 6 Shells...Scott kept a level head and pointed out that we needed to have boundaries)

6 - Lone Star Taqueria - 2256 Ft. Union Blvd.
I hadn't been to this establishment in years...but always remembered it being very good. This was another "sit down" type restaurant, but as with the rest of the locations to follow, had the option available to order single tacos, and not just entire meals. I highly recommend sitting outside if the weather permits.
Both Scott and I ordered the Carne Adovada Tacos at $2.60 each. This was a larger taco that had a strong spicy flavor, with just the right amount of charcoal hinting to give it that grilled flare. It was a bit dry though, thus dropping it to a 3 Shell rank.

7 - El Taconazo - 7900 South State Street
When we sat down and the waitress came over with some chips and salsa, I think she was a bit disappointed when we only ordered a total of three tacos (Scott had 2 and I had 1). I wanted to explain to her that we had already been eating tacos for the last four hours, and that there really wasn't much room left in the ol' gullet. But I didn't...we just ordered. I do need to point out that the salsa that they brought to the table was one of the better salsas of the day. It was pretty spicy...but had a wonderfully strong flavor. Tacos were $1.50 each.
Zachary - Chorizo - This was a very good taco. The flavor was strong and the meat was pretty tender. However, after the initial bite...it seemed to lose steam in the flavor category and trended slightly downhill. 4 Shells.
Scott - Asada Bravado - This was described as tasting LIKE jerky...without being jerky. This also had a good flavor and warranted a 5 Shell ranking.

8 - Tenochtitlan - 1825 West 3500 South - Way out past Redwood Road
I wish we had hit this place first. The taco I got here was probably one of the best tasting tacos of the day, however, by this point I was filling up fast. In fact, I was only able to finish half of my taco here, (though in my defense, these were some of the largest tacos we had received that day). But I loved this place because it was located in the back of a market store, which was completely inundated in the Mexican culture. It is a very friendly place with all sorts of wonderful foods to try. It does help if you speak Spanish going in. Fortunately, during my time in California, I picked up just enough of the language to order food and get myself in trouble. But not out of it. But I digress...tacos are in the back of the store and they are $1.75 each.
Both Scott and I ordered the Chicharon tacos, which is a type of fried pork. As you can imagine, it was very fatty, fried, and fantastic. The meat was exceptionally tender and had been marinated very well. The overall flavor was of course porky-goodness with an overtone of bacon. And since when has bacon been a bad thing? This really was a good taco, well deserving of a 5 Shell ranking.

So there you have it! Taco Crawl 2010. The final tally was Zachary - 10.5 tacos and Scott - 13 tacos. I know that I drank at least 4 sodas and several waters throughout the event, and I am sure Scott had at least that many, if not more.

I highly recommend you get out and try new foods and new places. If you want someone to come with you...let me know! In the meantime, Scott and I have already begun plans for a Sushi Crawl and Taco Crawl 2.0 - the rest of the list.

2010-05-28T01:18:00.002-06:00

Full Moon Rising

A few days ago, I walked down from the drill floor to our "Sky Box" shack which houses our computers and equipment. I paused on the walkway and looked east. Cracking through the night's storm clouds, the sun was chasing its way through the Caribbean dispersion. As its light paved its way across that deep, Ocean blue water, to the base of our rig, I questioned how it was that I am so blessed to witness some of the most beautiful sights possible.

Last night I found myself standing over 200 feet above the water. A warm rain was crashing down around and over me. The night air was humid and hot. For the last hour, I had been outside against the elements, working feverishly to complete each task as its turn came up. Men all around were busy scattering themselves to and fro in order to bring any sense of semblance to the chaos that is oil drilling.

As I stood there, sweat running down my face, muscles tired and body screaming for rest, a calm understanding settled over me as I realized that this moment...was what I got paid for.

Tonight I found myself standing on that same spot. There was no rain. There were only a few clouds. There was the ocean. But most of all, unmistakable against everything surrounding it, there was the moon, at its fullest state.

One bright orb against the pitch black night. Shadows of water and waves tickling the reflection from above. The moon demanded center stage this night...and it found it.

This truly is a beautiful world that we have been given.

A friend of mine, Ashli, has recently taken it upon herself to start blogging. I highly recommend that you check her blog out by clicking here. Her excitement and passion for it has re-ignited my love for writing about my life. I don't know how many people read this anymore...but I hope to share with you more and more often.

2010-05-03T00:39:00.006-06:00

Before "Nott Block"

Many of my voracious readers are already familiar with this link:

Nott Block Videos

That YouTube channel is a direct line to Funniness. My genius cousins put together these short videos that are hilarious. I might recommend this one to start with:

(Did you see me? Did you see me?)

Anyway, thanks to my youngest brother, I found out that entertaining videos in our family date back even further.

Before Nott Block, there was Gabe & Elliot:

and

You say "Tornado", I say, "Tornato".

2010-04-26T20:46:00.004-06:00

Interruptions

Last Friday I found myself sitting at the office gaining valuable insight into the intricacies of software certifications and trainings, when I received a text message from my buddy Jon.

Jon had recently (as in 12 hours earlier) purchased a season golf pass at the same course that I have one.

In his text message, he stated, "This golf pass is going to interrupt my productivity"

I responded, in regards to my own situation

"All this productivity is interrupting my golf pass."

2010-04-15T22:40:00.009-06:00

Hungry?

So I found myself hungry today...as I do most days...and being the adventurous type when it comes to food, I found myself the target of two different marketing ploys by fast food giants of the industry.

For lunch, Rebekah and I took a trip down nostalgia avenue, and enjoyed the toss-back environment of skate-hops and drive ins with Sonic Drive In.

Apparently it is America's Drive In
At the hedgehog namesake restaurant, they were touting their new Ched 'R' Peppers SuperSonic Cheese Burger. This is a regular cheeseburger that has been spiced up with a Chipotle Mayo and had JALAPENO POPPERS added to the sandwich. How genius is that??

Of course I ordered it.

Then...later that day, I found myself hungry, yet again, (it happens 3 to 4 times a day...usually always after Noon). So I decided to head over to the Colonel's place
and try their new Double Down.

This is essentially a breaded and fried hunk of chicken, with a layer of melted cheddar cheese, a layer of bacon (because everything is better with bacon), and then another breaded/fried Chunk O' Chicken. No bread...no nasty vegetables to get in the way...just pure, unadulterated artery clogging bliss!

I ordered two...and a large side of mashed potatoes and gravy.

Life is good!

2010-04-02T22:15:00.007-06:00

Guess Who Has A Girlfriend

I know I deserve a severe rebuking for my lackadaisical lethargy in blogging as of late...but I have a really good excuse. I have a girlfriend. No really...she is a living, breathing human being who is pretty darn fantastic.

And yes...she does know about it.

Back in February, I invited this girl out to lunch. We had met through an online dating site and, up to this point, had exchanged several e-mails getting to know a little bit about each other. I learned a long time ago that when meeting someone online, it is absolutely critical that you meet face-to-face as quickly as is comfortably possible if you want any sort of success in the relationship. If you prolong the meeting, both parties start to fill in mental gaps that may be in their image of the other person, and those "fillings" aren't always accurate, setting stage for a disappointment when reality brings them finally together.

That wasn't the case this time though. When she walked out of the building she worked in, and I saw her for the first time, my first thought was, "Wow...she is even better looking in person than her picture shows her to be." And her picture showed a very good looking girl.

Her name is Rebekah...with a K. She has two little girls, and they live in Lehi. She does accounting for a local software development firm, and she really like Oreo cookies.

I want you to imagine the nicest person you have ever met. That person that every time you see them, they sincerely want to know how you are doing...what you have been up to...and if there is anything that they can do for you. And you can honestly tell that this person is completely and unabashedly genuine in wanting to know.

Now take that and add a cup of sugar, and you have Rebekah.

Ok, I have waxed a bit cheesy here...but she really is an amazing girl, and things are going very well.

Though, there is one slight downside to all of this: I have been working on a book for the last several years, basically chronicling the exploits of being a "Menace to Society" as a single, jet-setting young man of marriageable age, who is sincerely struggling to erase his bane on the community well-being. However, being in a healthy relationship, all the passion, and vehement fury of bitterness that was fueling my writing, seems to have dissipated like a stain of breath on the window of life.

So my writing has plummeted....but she is a pretty good kisser, so it is worth it.

Other aspects of my life seem to be teeming in utter melancholy.
I beat Super Mario Bros. Wii, and have collected all but 3 of the Star Coins on all 9 levels.

My golf game is improving slightly.

I found a new author by the name of Vince Flynn, whose work I am thoroughly enjoying.

And most of all, I am enjoying the fact that at pretty much any given moment, I can be sitting at an In-N-Out Burger within 10 minutes or less.

Life is good.

2010-03-02T18:54:00.008-07:00

What I've Done

Besides being the title to a fantastic Linkin Park Song:
"What I've Done" for the past month has been crazy nuts!

So I got home from England near the very end of January. Can I tell you how great it felt to be back on American soil, and not have the constant threat of near Arctic weather nor burly roughnecks looming overhead?

So the first thing that I did after taking a day or two to relax and unwind, was head down to California to visit a friend I care deeply about. She has recently had surgery, and I wanted to check on her and see how she was recovering.
I don't think she knows how much I care about her and want to do whatever I can for her...but I've never been very good at expressing things like that. Let's just say that she is one of my favorite people in the world, and I pray for her constantly.

(She understands this picture)
I flew back from Cali just in time for our annual Lifferth Family German Dinner! I love this gathering each year as we celebrate our heritage and the great men and women who went before us, and gave to us the blessings of the Gospel and freedoms that we enjoy. As always...it was a great time.

The day after the German dinner, a group of friends and I headed up north to Lava Hot Springs Idaho.

Who knew barely festering, active volcanos running shallow under the very ground we stood on, could be so fun?? If you've never been...make plans now! You never know when it is going to erupt and ruin all the fun.
Not having enough traveling done yet, as soon as I got back from Idaho, I started packing for the cousin trip to COZUMEL MEXICO!
I think this picture sums it up pretty well:

At the end of the first day, someone said we should just take that day and hit the "Repeat" button for the rest of the week. So we did. There will be more on this later.
And now I am home...packing once again for the annual Ruby's Inn retreat! This year's activities will include swimming, snowshoeing, sledding, shooting, softball (????) and many other activities...including Guitar Hero!

It's ok to be jealous.

2010-02-12T17:39:00.010-07:00

Fashion Rules

There are many people who watched me growing up with my moon boot and hammer pants phases, that would shake your head and think, "There's just something not right with that boy."

Well, truth be told, when it came to fashion, I had a lot to learn.

However, I would like to think that over the last few years I have proven myself capable of flying solo on a clothing shopping trip...Despite the many times I would return home as a teenager and with great eagerness, exclaim to my sisters that I had successfully purchased clothes that would be accepted in even the highest of social cliques, and each time, having them say the same thing at the end of each showing, "Zach, you are not allowed to shop for clothes by yourself."

So it will come as a shock to many of you that I have actually had, on more than one occasion, perfectly sane people ask ME for fashion advice. I know...it's nuts.

But, feeling inspired and a bit ballyhooed, I have decided to give to the world my three rules on clothing and fashion. Any guy who adopts these rules into his shopping will always end up with a look that will turn heads...TOWARDS them, rather than away in shame.

Rule # 1 -

It's on a clearance rack for a reason.

Do NOT buy things on a clearance rack just because it is a good deal. Sure you may be able to clothe your body from the elements for a couple bucks cheaper...but those items are there because no one else wanted them. Don't buy them!

It is still possible to be frugal and look good. Just promise me you won't shop the Clearance Racks.

Rule # 2 -

If they don't have it in your size, don't buy it.

I don't care if you think you can pull off the baggy look or the tight look. Unless it was specifically designed for one of those two looks, and it is listed as your correct size, then don't buy it. A lot of people try to get away with buying something that is ALMOST their size. It's so close! Guess what? If you buy and wear it, you will ALMOST look cool...you will be so close!

In the end you either look desperate, or like you are wearing hand-me-downs, (which are perfectly fine as long as you are under the age of 10). Be willing to either look further for your size, or walk away from the choice and look for something else.

Rule # 3 -

If the mannequin is wearing it, so can you.

One of the greatest tools to buying clothes is the dummy standing there wearing the clothes. Stores WANT to sell clothing and they WANT to sell things that are hip and acceptable. They have a far better idea of what the general public is wearing than any one specific person, even if his name is Tommy Hilfiger.

When you are out shopping, take a look at what combination of clothing is out on display. This is especially effective when trying to match a tie with a shirt. These displays are put together by people who have studied and learned what goes with what.

Take no qualms with copying the exact outfit they have on display. This has never failed me, and it won't fail you either.

So there you have it. Zach's Rules of Fashion. I bet you never thought you would see the day.

2010-01-15T15:29:00.016-07:00

It's Time

As many of you know, I have bandied about this country (and world) for quite some time...34 years in fact. After all of these travels and adventures and other whatnot worthy to be mentioned, (but won't be), I have decided that it is time for me to settle down and get married.

Ha ha! Just kidding...it's time to buy a house. Although...the marriage thing is something I am still pursuing. The only hitch with that is the fact that it is largely (as in 50% of the decision making), dependent upon someone else. I don't even know who that someone else currently is...let alone their interest level in an eternal commitment with me. But the adventures of learning that can be found at my new blog: www.whydatingstinks.blogspot.com, co-authored with my friend Paty.

But I digress...and should probably apologize for getting all of your hopes up. But do not give up on me getting married yet...I haven't.

In the meantime, I have decided that this summer, when my contract at my current apartment comes to a conclusion, that rather than renew once again with the lovely Harman Apartment Management Group, I am going to buy a house!

Not him.
One of these:

At that time, I also hope that Craig and Colter will know that they are personally invited to live there too.

In answer to your first, and most important question about my future home purchase, the answer is, "YES! I will be installing a Fire Pole."

For anyone with whom I have discussed home ownership will attest to, I have been a huge advocate of the Fire Pole for many years. In fact, I have but two things I WILL install into my abode as soon as the papers are signed.

1 - A Fire Pole

2 - A urinal

If the house is a single story with a basement, the pole will go between both floors. If I get a two-story house, with basement, you can be assured that the sliding goodness that is a fire pole will stretch all the way from the upper most story, all the way to the bowels of the basement.

But it MUST have a basement...as a single story fire pole, just doesn't have the same effect.

And what good standing male doesn't appreciate a urinal? Ladies...trust me...it will leave for a cleaner bathroom in the long run.

(You should have seen the images that came up when typing "urinal" into Google Images...oh wait...no you shouldn't.)

The other collection of gallimaufry knick-knacks and what's-its, will come along in time. Goodness knows I have pretty much everything required to furnish a home, from Projector for home theater, to milkshake machine for thick, delicious home-made milkshakes of whatever flavor you desire.

So the house will be well furnished.

The only encumbrance in this whole expedition to home ownership is...I have no idea what to do. I've never bought a house before. Sure, I have read books on it. I have read the World Wide Web with its many "www." pages. I have even been INSIDE of homes before...just to see what it is like in there.

But all this mortgage, ARP, Short Sale, Equity, Down Payment, "Former Meth Lab Check", is all about as foreign to me as...well...the experience of marriage.

Anyway...as with everything else I need to know in life...eventually I will either catch on, or buy The Complete Idiot's Guide to Purchasing Your First Home.

Oh wait...I already own that one.

But hopefully, sometime in July-ish or August, you will all be invited to my housewarming party in Provo...or Springville...or Payson...or Lehi...or somewhere in Utah County...or maybe Salt Lake County...but wherever it is, it will definitely have two stories...with a basement...or maybe it will be a rambler...yes, with a basement...with a yard...maybe a garage...and a dog...dogs come standard in homes, right? Should I look for a tub to be included? What about faucets? Outlets? It should come with a roof, right? The door should both open AND close? Will I need a vacuum? Or will a maid suffice?

Maybe I should research this a bit.

2010-01-05T10:41:00.002-07:00

At A Loss

I find myself at a loss right now. This morning, my Mom called to let me know that her mother, my Grandmother, had passed away during the night. If pressed to put into words what my feelings were/are, I really don't think I could adequately describe them.

My Grandmother was an amazing woman. By far the greatest cook I have ever known. She has a recipe for rolls that is legendary. People across the nation have requested it as she shared the recipe with her children, they with their children, and then ten fold as these rolls started showing up at extended family gatherings and finally ward parties. And I don't blame them...they were really good rolls.

My Grandmother Byers was a tiny woman...but you didn't mess with her. She is the only one of my grandparents to ever hit me...and I was 25 or 26 at the time, easily almost a foot taller and 50 pounds heavier than her. My Mom and I were out there loading up a truck with some stuff to bring back, and she [my Grandmother] told me to make sure I helped my Mom unload the truck when we got back. I made an off-handed quip about being too tired and letting her do it on her own, and my Grandmother hauled back and smacked me. She had a good forearm.

She has also been heard to say about someone who was still asleep, that she is going to "jack him up".

I'm convinced that in her younger years she was a force to be reckoned with. She certainly was someone who stood her ground and voiced her opinion in her later years.

One thing we learned quickly as grandchildren was that she was GrandMOTHER, not Grandma, not Grams, nothing short of proper respect. However, even though she seemed a "stickler", through her actions, she earned the respect that she asked for.

My Grandmother was brilliant. I remember conversing with her on a wide variety of topics. Whenever we went to visit, she was always ready to talk with us about pretty much anything. I don't know why it sticks out in my mind, but one of my fondest memories was her telling us about the National Geographic Knowledge Bee. It was a competition for school kids to show off their knowledge, on a national level. Basically at the time, it was a "Jeopardy" for kids. She went on and on about how each winner had trained and studied.

I remember when the Olympics were in L.A., and the torch was carried across America, it happened to pass through Vernal, UT. I was staying with my Grandparents at the time and they took me to see it.

Her house was ALWAYS a house of order. Everything was always well-organized and clean. Even after the tornado that is grandchildren came through, everything thing seemed to be in its proper place.

One of the small things that I attribute to my Grandmother, is her introducing me to my favorite breakfast cereal of all time: Cracklin' Oat Bran. I remember the first time I ever had it was in her kitchen out in Dillon Colorado. It is still one of those foods that from the first bite, instantly transport me back to a more simple time.

She has been very ill for quite some time now. We have all known that this was coming. Perhaps that is why I am at a loss for words to describe how I feel. I've been preparing myself for this for awhile...and now that it has happened, I'm not sure how to react.

I was blessed with the opportunity to say good bye to her. On Sunday my Mom, my two brothers, Noah and Gabe, and my sister Bridgett and I, drove out to Rangely, CO where my Grandmother was staying at my Uncle Mark's. We had been told that it would be soon, so we all made a day trip out there and were able to visit with her for a few short hours. She slept most of the time, but we were able to see her awake...and she knew we were there. It was a special gift to be there that day.

My Grandmother was one of the greatest women to ever be born. She raised wonderful children and taught them correct principles. She supported her husband in all he did. She didn't voice it as often as other thoughts and feelings, but she lived the Gospel with everything she had to offer. She knew that our Savior lives. She loved her children and they knew it. She loved her grandchildren, and they knew it. She loved her great-grandchildren, and as well as they were able to understand...they knew it.

She was loved and she will be missed.

2009-12-20T20:41:00.019-07:00

A Christmas Blog

T'was some days before Christmas, and I sit on a rig
All around me are machines, designed only to dig
The brisk North Sea air, across our faces does blow
At the top of the derrick, does a small red light glow

The light is there always, for airplane alerts
After three weeks of rig food, we all have the squirts
Now don't get me wrong, the food it's delicious
But Jello for every meal, can really be vicious

In my fortnight of time, plus a few extra days
that I've been in this place, learning the oil man's way
I've seen wind storms and snow storms, but not much of the sun
I've shuffled equipment, that weighs well over a ton

In the spare time that I've had, I've read and I've wrote
Some day I hope that my book, will be more than a note
I've also completed, all my Holiday shopping
From my friend Amazon, all gifts will be dropping

Though I've found that my enemy, is option "One Click"
Much too easily I purchase, it's simply too slick
But for all of my nieces and nephews and friends
I've tried to provide them from the latest of trends

Now since I've been out on this floating contraption
I've heard language no channel would even close caption
I've climbed up in the air, and came down with all limbs
Which isn't that easy with true gale force winds

Now, many a bloke has given me history lesson
They think we are wrong, at least that's what I'm guessin
From their point of view, in that Colonial War
They simply gave up, it was too much of a chore

They also harass about our foods greasy and fat
Because most of the cooking takes place in a vat
While true what they said, some creativity we lack
I pointed out the UK's top selling Big Mac

They went on about Presidents Bush and Obama
And why do we continue such world wide drama
He ranted on that we nothing ever contribute
That our answer to everything is show up and shoot

Now he may have a point from his mis-informed view
What could we give the world that is potentially new
Each idea that I offered, was taken and mocked
And he wanted to show it came from previous stock

And then I realized with a sincere wicked grin
I knew the Trump card that would forever this win
He could degrade us and knock us and tell us we stink
If that is what he believes, then so let him think

For America has given the world something great
Even he will admit this is top notch, and first rate
So he implored with his Anti-American Rage
What could possibly have come since the Colonial Age?

With a wink and a nod, and a Cheshire grin
My answer quite simply, completely stunned him
He could not compete, he no longer abhores us
When I reminded him that we gave him Chuck Norris.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2009-12-07T21:28:00.004-07:00

As Requested...

I want to first state that this never began as a slam on the government, the media, nor Al Gore. That was never the purpose, and to deride such is to make your own interpretation that is not the author's. This was only a tirade to help people open their eyes and do their OWN research, rather than accept what is given to them in the most easily digested manner, i.e. It's Handed To You.

With that said, it was requested that I give more "validity" to my last post. To appease the masses, I give you the following:

First major press release regarding global warming representing a threat to man:

Miami Herald - July 5, 1989 – Page 2E SCIENCE
GREENHOUSE WARMING NATIONS MAY VANISH, U.N. SAYS
A senior U.N. environmental official says entire nations could be wiped off the face of the Earth by rising sea levels if the global warming trend is not reversed by the year 2000. Coastal flooding and crop failures would create an exodus of "eco-refugees," threatening political chaos, said Noel Brown, director of the New York office of the United Nations U.N. Environment Program, or UNEP.

Water Vapor 95% of Greenhouse Effect:

http://www.geocraft.com/WVFossils/greenhouse_data.html
Specifically Table 3

Also of note regarding Water Vapor:

S.M. Freidenreich and V. Ramaswamy, “Solar Radiation Absorption by Carbon Dioxide, Overlap with Water, and a Parameterization for General Circulation Models,” Journal of Geophysical Research 98 (1993):7255-7264

Global Deception: The Exaggeration of the Global Warming Threat
by Dr. Patrick J. Michaels, June 1998
Virginia State Climatologist and Professor of Environmental Sciences, University of Virginia

Greenhouse Gas Emissions, Appendix D, Greenhouse Gas Spectral Overlaps and Their Significance
Energy Information Administration; Official Energy Statistics from the U.S. Government

This WHOLE THING is part of a Natural Cycle:

The Geologic Record and Climate Change
by Dr. Tim Patterson, January 2005
Professor of Geology-- Carleton University
Ottawa, Canada

Also:

http://www.museum.state.il.us/exhibits/ice_ages/

Information regarding the concentration of Gases, specifically CO2:

http://cdiac.esd.ornl.gov/pns/current_ghg.html

A news release regarding the EPA trying to ban Water Vapor as a pollutant:

http://www.ecoenquirer.com/EPA-water-vapor.htm

And my personal favorite, from the man hailed as THE expert in Climatology:

http://www.uncommondescent.com/off-topic/father-of-climatology-calls-manmade-global-warming-absurd/

I would appreciate any links or other studies you might have to share, though I would prefer that they come from a non-politically influenced source, nor Wikipedia...for all their underfunded efforts...it is still largely a Public Opinion Bulletin Board. I would like any studies that specifically list deforestation as the cause for increased CO2 in the atmosphere, or even the Industrial Revolution, and that increase is a direct cause of Global Warming, despite studies to the contrary that have been compiled here:

http://www.geocraft.com/WVFossils/ice_ages.html

and here

http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/enviro/EnviroRepublish_233658.htm

Don't get me wrong...I do love this planet, and I do try to take care of it. It is our home, and much like any home, it can fall into ruins if we don't do our best keep it beautiful. Don't litter...don't waste things...but most of all, don't forget that our children will someday inherit it.

2009-12-06T15:54:00.011-07:00

Global Warming Is a Crock

I want you to close your eyes and picture yourself walking up a set of metal stairs. They are the cross-hatched type that you can see through to what is below you. They are pretty steep, and each step is just slightly higher than the ones you are used to back home. The handrail you hold is a large metal pipe that has been worn smooth by many a gloved hand. Rain is pelting you in the face....oh, did I forget to mention you were outside? Because you are. As you grip the handrail, you brave the elements and look up into the face of a 50 mph wind. All you see is black. Look up...blackness. Look to your right...blackness. On the left? Blackness. Now, you look DOWN, over the handrail. Guess what you are staring into? Well, yes, blackness...but if you look closely...yep, there it is...200 feet below you are the 40 foot waves of the North Sea, crashing with a mighty force against the seemingly puny metal frame holding up this contraption you are climbing even higher on.

Welcome to my world. Fun, isn't it?

But alas, I digress from the true point of this blog, which you should have gathered by the title. It seems that the topic of Global Warming and Climate Change are pretty hot on the media bandwagon these days. Do you ever feel like they are just trying to cram it down your throat?

That's because they are. Now I am not going to go off on a tirade about some conspiracy theory that the media is under the control of some secret organization set on taking over the world through a smoke-and-mirrors distraction to the public. However, I will tell you that somebody got on a wild hair back in 1989, and it caught fire. Why 1989? Same year the Cold War ended with the fall of the Berlin Wall. Don't believe me? Check it yourself. The first mention in public media of the danger of Global Warming came only a few months before the collapse of Communism. It seems that someone saw an end coming to this "Fear Factor Gravy Train" that the media had been able to use for years and years to boost ratings and sales, and decided it was time to start a new fear. So...we get Global Warming. They tried to scare us with the Ozone Layer falling apart thanks to all those 70's and 80's hairdos, but it didn't really catch on.

Global Warming is a crock. My premise by no means hinges on the fact that I am sitting in the North Sea in the middle of December. No one out here is convinced that there is any warmth left in this world. I've been meaning to Soap Box this one for some time. With the global summit coming up, I figured, now was as good a time as any.

The truth is that the earth is getting warmer. No really...I do believe that. However, it is NOT in any way, shape or form, coming about because of something that we humans have done. Humans have about as much influence on the climate as a one handed fan adding to the applause at a U2 Concert.

I am sure that some of you have found your ire raised by my comments, and that is fine. Every person is entitled to his or her own opinion. However, before you stop reading...unless you alread have...in which case, these are really wasted words, let me ask you a question:

Have YOU read the research on Global Warming? Or have you just jumped on the media bandwagon and regurgitate the same information they have been spoon feeding you? Personally, I am not a fan of anything being shoved down my throat. That's why I have been adamantly absorbing as much information as I can about Global Warming that I can get my hands on, from all sources...especially scientific researches. Here are some of the things that I have found:

Fact: 95% of Earth's Greenhouse Effect is from Water Vapor

Bet you didn't know that. I would even wager, if I were such a betting man, that you probably have never heard of Water Vapor being included in any media reports on Global Warming. That's because it is purposely left out. Most government studies have been done twice...once WITH Water Vapor as a factor, and once with Water Vapor effects removed. Guess which ones they publish.

Oh, and by the way...do you know what the biggest contributor to water vapor is? If you guessed humans, you are wrong. It's our leafy green friends, The Plants. Yep...you want to solve global warming? Fire up the chainsaws and take out the rain forests.

You think I am kidding? I'm not...plants are the reason that the Earth as a whole has warmed up half a degree over the last 30 years. And they claim to be "Green".

It's a NATURAL CYCLE of the planet people! You aren't going to stop it.

Fact: The atmosphere is made up of 78% Nitrogen, 21% Oxygen, (for those of you keeping score at home, that is 99% so far). The remaining 1% consists of what are called "Trace Gases", or "Trace Elements". Most of that 1% is Argon. Not to be confused with Aragon from such adventures as That Short Kid Who Threw Jewelry Away. CO2, or Carbon Dioxide, comes into play at exactly 370 parts per million, or 0.03% of 1%.

Do you want that in easy to understand terms? If you had $10,000 in one dollar bills, CO2 would make up $3.

Not really a big deal...is it? Neither is your Carbon Footprint.

If you look hard enough for studies that don't conflict with public opinion (because the public opinion is OH SO correct all the time), you will find this little morsel of truth...

Fact: 0.117% of Carbon Dioxide in the air comes from Human activity. You want the dollar equivilant of that? If all the Carbon Dioxide in the world were represented by $100. Humans would have tossed in 11.7 cents.

And yet the government is getting away with selling "Carbon Off Sets" to corporations. A more honest approach would be, "Hey Stupid, Give me your money."

Believe what you will. I know many of you will scoff at this and continue on to Facebook. However, if you really do care, please take the time to do the research for yourself. If you want, I can send you some of the studies that I read. But I don't want to be accused of leading anyone down the path that I believe. I want you to find it out for yourself. Just promise me you won't just take what the media gives you and accept it as truth. If you are going to be committed enough to have an opinion...be committed enough to get educated enough to hold that opinion.

Besides...God created this place. Do you really think that with a colossal slap to the forehead, He is saying to Himself, "Man...I never considered they might evolve to a point where they could control the fate of the Earth, and not Me"?

I didn't think so.

2009-11-19T00:01:00.008-07:00

Alive & Kicking...and Dodging

For those of you who have actually seen me in the last week and a half, you will know that I am doing pretty well...but am also really busy. It amazes me how quickly life can fill up when you THINK that you have a lot of free time. But I have no complaints...these last few weeks have been weeks that really counted.

First of all, my cousin Ryan returned from his mission. It was so amazing to see him, and how much he had grown spiritually. His homecoming talk was one of the most spiritual I have witnessed. It is very obvious that he gave his all to the service of the Lord.

I broke down and got a new laptop. I joined the "cool" people of the world and got myself a Mac Book Pro. It is fantastic!

Speaking of electronics...the new Call of Duty: Modern Warfare came out and it seems to be all the rage with roommates and cousins alike. I was playing it the other day with Colter, trying to help him accomplish a "mission". I was sniping off bad guys left and right...getting multiple kills, far better than I ever did at Halo 3. I was, for lack of a better term, The Man. Well, we failed accomplishing our goal for 4 or 5 tries. Then Colter calmly tells me that maybe we should not shoot the bad guys, as our goal for this particular mission is to SNEAK pass the enemy without alerting them to our being there.

I asked Colter why he didn't tell me that in the first place, and he said, "Well you just looked so happy, I didn't have the heart to tell you."

I suppose what has kept me so busy these last few weeks is that there are so many amazing people in my life...I want to see them all. I honestly think I have had a lunch date with a different person every day that I have been home...with the exception of one repeat, and she was worth it.

Speaking of dates...I have been doing a lot of that too. I took out a girl when I first got back, for her birthday. We went to the "They Might Be Giants" Concert, and it was amazing! They seriously put on a very good show.

Last week I took a girl out on the town, and she ended up with a "Quick Access" Decorative plate, and I ended up with the Gay Cocoa Mug. No really...The Gay Mug.

This same young lass joined me as we went out to look at the stars and watch the meteor shower...it took us a while to find a good location, but it was well worth the drive. We had a lot of fun finding the various constellations. I am glad I had an expert in the car with me.

Today, one of my old mission companions and I drove down to Spring City to visit some friends. I tell you what...the older I get...the more I realize the importance of maintaining friendships. They are some of the few things that you will take with you on this journey we call life.

Finally...last Saturday, a bunch of the Lifferth cousins got together and we had a rousing game of Dodgeball. It was one of the most fun nights I have ever had. For those who missed out on it...I am truly sorry. I have said it before and I will say it again...I have one fantastic family.

Well that's it for now...but I am going to attempt to be more diligent in my blogging ways. If you gain nothing from this blog but one modicum of knowledge...know this: If you are a male...stay away from trying to polka-dot your own mugs.

2009-10-25T18:31:00.005-06:00

It's Called SWINE Flu

I find myself sitting over here in Scotland, watching the rain beat down on the window of the apartment, and watching "Mars Attacks" on TV. There really isn't much to choose from on TV tonight.

I was reading the news earlier, about everything going on in America, (my condolences to all of you for the media frenzy I am sure is still centering around the Balloon Boy), and realized that something is really bothering me about the news: The "H1N1" Virus.

From what I have read, people, specifically The Media, stopped referring to it as "Swine" Flu because it was apparently offensive to certain cultures. Swine isn't considered Kosher.

Well guess what! Neither is a disease that kills people.

I guess it really irked my ire because everyone ELSE in the world refers to it as the Swine Flu. Airports back and forth on these continents have huge signs talking about washing hands so you don't get or pass the Swine Flu. Government issued pamphlets call it Swine Flu. The news agencies talk about the Swine Flu. Everyday people call it Swine Flu.

No one ever refers to it as H1N1, and when I asked a local about it, he thought it was the stupidest thing he had ever heard.

Way to go Media...make us look stupid again. Thanks.

2009-09-07T10:26:00.003-06:00

I've Lost My Swing

It's true...I haven't been on here in a while. It isn't for lack of events happening in my life. On the contrary, I have been quite active in the last few weeks. I had three weeks off from my last trip to Scotland, in which I was able to go to two different weddings for cousins, one in Utah and one in Colorado. I played a ravishing game of Kickball with some fantastic cousins, and Scott came into town for a whirlwind 72 hour free-for-all Fun Fest.

I also, thanks to a dear friend of mine, once again took hand to club and started down one of my addictive paths, and started playing golf again, and found that I had lost my swing.

For those of you who may not know, or haven't had the pleasure of knowing me for more than 3 or 4 years, there was a time that Golf was my obsession. I wasn't a fanatical die-hard by any means...but I certainly was a fan. I even bought Golf Magazine...and read it!

But the confounded game wasn't always something I enjoyed. The first time that I really took the time to play the game was only because one of my mission companions made me promise I would try it when I got home from Russia. So, according to my word to him, a few months after getting home, I went out, bought a cheap set of clubs and played a round. It wasn't awful.

But I didn't love it either.

The only thing I took away from that game was an immense satisfaction in driving the golf cart. That was the sole provider for fun that day. It happened to be the crux that got me to play again.

A few weeks after that first foray into the fairway, a close friend called me up and asked me to go golfing with him and two other guys. I reluctantly agreed that I would join them, but only on the agreement that I get to drive the cart. That was acceptable.

The game was okay. But still not drawing me in.

Fast forward a few more weeks and the same group of friends need a fourth player. I dragged my feet, but still ended up going. It was on this round that IT happened. I found my swing.

Despite this event happening over 12 years ago, I can still picture it as though it happened yesterday. I could take you to the spot and show you what happened; however, since I am in Scotland and you probably aren't, allow me to paint a picture.

Nestled at the base of Payson Canyon is a golf course called Gladstan. I remember as a youth, the big to-do around town that was the creation of this golf course. I had never really visited it as a child...but once I got hooked on golf...I found out how beautiful this course really is. It wraps up and down the canyon, surrounded by wilderness and prosperity on both sides. It has some pretty challenging holes, and a few that are straight and simple.

Hands down...this is my favorite course. And this is the reason why:

Hole number three is a dog-leg left (curves around to the left), with a large water hazard (pond) running along the left-side, and the driving range blanketing the right. It is a fairly wide fairway, and on that day, the flag was set right in the middle of the green.

Up to this point in my play, I had never done anything extraordinary. This time really wasn't going to be an exception, because frankly, my expectations weren't there.

But as in the past, I set my stance, addressed the ball, took a deep breath, and while slowly letting it out, pulled back and released my full swing.

And I saw a perfect drive. Now it by no means went all the way to the green...few people in the world could have done that. However, this drive was a perfect, straight arch, landing exactly where I had wanted it to go. It was in the middle of the fairway...but it wasn't the landing that amazed me. It was the flight. The course the ball took from its stationary resting place on my tee, through the air, with mountains as a backdrop, and its eventual landing and continuous roll down the fairway to rest in a perfect line with the flag.

That was all it took...I was hooked. Since then, I have been chasing that perfect drive, hoping to achieve it once more. Trying to find my swing.

And each time I do...I want it again.

So for many years...I was a regular out on the golf course. I soon found that this was a sport that, (although I didn't exactly excel at), I was quite proficient at it. I soon upgraded my ShopKo clubs to a more powerful, (and more pricey), set of graphite shafts. I went as often as possible, and even, at one point, shot a sub-par game on the back 9 of Hobble Creek Golf Course, without cheating.

But then I stopped. There really wasn't a reason for this conclusion. It wasn't as though I made a decision to stop golfing. I just didn't get out anymore. Life got busy...I got a new job...moved to California...adjusted to that life...then almost as quickly, moved back to Utah, where I once again readjusted my life. I threatened many times to take it up again...but never did. With all that lack of practice...I had lost my swing. I just didn't realize it.

All this leads up to about 3 weeks ago when my good friend Jonathan calls up and says, "We're going golfing...meet me at East Bay."

I won't lie...I was reluctant...but I went. And I am glad I did. I remembered why I love the game. But I also learned that I couldn't play very well.

My first round of 18 holes, I shot a 110. Over the next two weeks, I played about 7 rounds of 18. My last round, I shot a 92.

I'm starting to see glimpses of my swing.

It is a game that can never be won. Only played. Sure, you can win a competition, or against another player. But Golf is the one sport where you are eternally competing against yourself, and never going to win. It forces you to look at yourself and your actions honestly, with only you to offer condemnation or praise.

A physically strong person can crush incredible drives from the Tee Box and look all impressive. However, a paltry Body-By-Gilligan, with his head on straight, can still win the hole. Golf is a game that is 80% mental...and only 20% physical. If your mind is distracted, you will never play well. The course of your game, often reflects, (quite accurately), the course of your life.

I had the joy of going out with a couple of my cousins and friends. My cousin Craig had seen his swing on only his second and third attempts. I remember walking up to the 5th hole of Hobble Creek, with him and thinking, "Ah Crap...another sport that he is going to be better at than me."

A few days later, I witnessed Scott find his swing as he nailed a perfectly legitimate Birdie. While he raced around the green, screaming with excitement, all the while tearing his shirt off, I thought to myself, "He's hooked."

I remember a time where if someone were to ask me, "what are you passionate about?", I would have responded with "Golf".

However, the last few years, if someone were to ask me where my passions lie...I don't think I could have honestly answered the question with any confidence.

It's curious that this time period also seems to correspond with my lack of inspiration and desire for writing.

Interesting.

Maybe I can re-find my swing...and not just for golf.

2009-07-26T16:16:00.003-06:00

Just Fun

I came across this video the other day and it was just awesome. This is what it is like to actually live life. You can tell that these people really care about their friends getting married and want them to have the best day ever. And the bride is obviously just, plain happy.
When was the last time you did something....just for fun?

Don't get so caught up in trying to get to the next meeting, or making the next appointment, that you forget to live life. Once in a while...do something different. It's ok...it's healthy.

2009-07-11T15:06:00.003-06:00

Never Cease To Be Amazed

Today was awesome! My eyes were open to more wonders of Scotland. I had the chance to eat an egg salad sandwich while sitting on a bench placed on a street/courtyard, that was cobbled out by humble peasants in the early 1200's. Not only that, but I was also in the shadow of a stone rotunda that was built almost 500 years ago!

I know what you are thinking...because I am thinking the same thing:

Who knew...that Scotland had egg salad sandwiches???

2009-07-09T12:55:00.003-06:00

We Are, We Are...The Youth of The Nation

My cousin Hyrum recently graduated from high school. He wrote this a short while ago, and I want to share it with you. (I hope he doesn't mind) If this is the caliber of our Nation's Youth, then I have a lot more hope for the future:

"The following is my response to the Glen Beck article entitled "An Open Letter to our Nation's Leadership" which is a letter written by a lady in Arizona. Go to Glen Beck's website to read the letter.I am eighteen years old and I love my country. For as long as I can remember I have always intended to dedicate my life to the service of my country: both through the military and simply as an American citizen that is involved in politics. The thought of wearing the American flag on the shoulder of my uniform has always filled me with pride because of what the flag represents. The stars and stripes alone mean nothing. Without the Constitution they are just pieces of cloth sewn together forming an outdated, but still attractive looking, logo. As I prepare to start my own life in these uncertain times, I have come to realize that it is my responsibility to take action. I can not sit back and hope other people will do something. I can no longer depend on those who have been elected, they are far too concerned with what is best for their career to worry about what is best for America. I know that I, Hyrum Byers, must stand up and defend the Constitution. I must make my voice heard. I must ensure that the stars and stripes always stand for freedom and justice. I must fight for a “government of the people, by the people, [and] for the people” and withstand a government that ignores the people. I am ready, and so are other members of my generation. You, the members of the older generations whom we deeply respect, can sleep easier tonight because you do not stand alone in defending the Constitution. We will support you. We will stand beside you. We will not abandon the principles that our fathers, grandfathers, and founding fathers fought and died to defend. We will never back down. We will never give up the fight. We will give speeches, write letters, publish articles, hold rallies, peacefully demonstrate, and most importantly vote. Whatever it takes, we will be ready. God is with us, He will support us because we are standing to defend that which He established through the sacred blood of the American patriots. I thank the author of this letter who so eloquently said what our leaders so desperately need to hear. This is a start, it is now up to all of us to see that these words do not fall on deaf ears. We can not let the stars and stripes become a haunting reminder of what America once was--we can not and will not. May God be with us all."

2009-06-29T18:31:00.017-06:00

28 Days

I returned home from Scotland about 4 weeks ago. I decided to see how much fun I could squeeze in while I had some time off. So this is a summary of what I have been up to these last few weeks:
First of all, I made a quick trip down to Southern California to see my former Seminary students. It was seriously one of the most fun things I have ever done. I really miss those kids. It was fantastic to see them again. My friend Jamie came with me and we also hit the beach.

After getting back from California...wait, let me rephrase that: 5 HOURS after getting back from California, I found myself crawling into the backseat of my sister Bridgett's car. She and her husband Rory were heading up to Spokane, WA to visit our sister Gretchen and her family. Bridgett and Rory were kind enough to let me ride along. We spent a fantastic week up there visiting. We were able to see the largest Radio Flyer Wagon I have ever seen, along with all the beauty of the Spokane area. Plus I have some of the greatest nieces ever.

When I got back from Spokane, I had a few days to catch up on things like laundry and sleep. I did take a Wednesday evening to go spend with my old mission companion Scott. We had a great time out on the town in Downtown Salt Lake.

But then I was off again with Jamie down to Moab. There is a group of guys from Moab that started an annual trip each summer called, "The Massive Moab Trip". They invite more and more people every year. One of Jamie's roommates is engaged to one of the original organizers, so we went with them. There was river rafting, hiking and a huge BBQ to finish it off. It was a fantastic weekend.
After Moab, I spend the next week doing the following:

Monday was a lunch meeting with my buddies in the Man Trust, where we discussed such important matters as: dressing for success, what it takes to make yourself known in the business world, and which buffalo wing flavor is the best at Wingers. That was followed by a viewing of "Year One".
Don't bother.

Tuesday we were at the Midnight Showing of the new Transformers movie.
Do bother.

Wednesday I made a random trip to Cedar City and back.
Thursday I went mountain biking with my cousins Craig and Jen and her kids up beautiful Provo Canyon.
Friday morning I bonded with my parents. While most kids will spend time with their parents over lunch or some other meal, I spent the morning shooting guns with both my Mom and my Dad. Dad just got a new Springfield 9 mm, which is VERY cool. I'm jealous. My Mom wanted me to make sure that I mentioned what a good shot she was. Seriously though...I was pretty impressed at how good of a shot she was. We went out to West Mountain, which is pictured here.
I finally beat Nintendo's Super Mario Galaxy.
Finally, that afternoon, I went searching for a moose with my buddy Jon, and when we couldn't find it, we spent the rest of the evening playing Guitar Hero.
Finally on Saturday, I went down to the Mormon Miracle Pageant in Manti. I can happily say that this was the first time I ever made it through the whole thing without falling asleep. It was amazing.

So...what did you do in the last 4 weeks?

2009-06-10T20:57:00.002-06:00

A Plug For Charity

On June 27th, my brother Gabe is participating in a 75 mile bike ride to help raise money for Multiple Sclerosis, which his wife Julene suffers from. If you've got an extra dollar or two lying around with no plans to use it and would like to invest in some good karma, here's your chance. Go here to donate.

2009-06-06T22:57:00.004-06:00

Holy Crap! It's Lifferth!

I bet you are thinking that this is going to be an in-depth dissertation on the origins of the Lifferth last name. Well, it's not. The title comes from one of my seminary students.

Let me explain:

Friday (yesterday), was the last day of Seminary down in Orange County. The Supervisor invited me to come down and surprise my students from last year with a visit. So I and a friend went down on Thursday, and surprised my students from last year on Friday morning. When I walked into the class, one of them turned and looked at me and exclaimed:

"Holy Crap! It's Lifferth!"

It was really good to see all of them! I was so happy to see how many of them are still going to seminary, and all of them remembered me and were happy to see me.

My traveling companion and I had a great time visiting Balboa Island, eating expensive cupcakes with a friend, walking the piers, and boogie boarding at Huntington Beach...not to mention the fantastic road trip. Pictures will be coming, I promise.

However, here is a picture depicting everywhere I have been in the last 7 days...that's right, one week:

Scotland -> Amsterdam -> Detroit -> Salt Lake -> Provo -> Cedar City -> Orange County -> Cedar City -> Provo -> Spokane.

2009-06-02T08:31:00.012-06:00

And Then Back Again

So where is Zach this week? Well, here is a quick synopsis of my latest week.
First of all, I spent one more week in Aberdeen Scotland after visiting Loch Ness. Aberdeen really is a cool town that probably gets overlooked all the time with everything else that Scotland has to offer.
This is evidenced by the fact that it is REALLY hard to find any souvenirs there. (Side Note: The most requested item I have been asked for is a kilt...did you know that a kilt costs between $400 and $1000? Yeah...neither did I.)

On Saturday morning I flew out of Aberdeen and headed to Amsterdam! Sadly, I was only able to see the airport.
But it is a pretty cool airport.
Of course, it wouldn't be Amsterdam without the obligatory tulips.
And it wouldn't be a true "Where is Zach" blog without a side profile of the author.
After my adventures there, I was hopping across The Pond to Detroit!
It's always good to step back onto American soil. Or at least layers of concrete, iron, rebar, carpeting/tile, all piled above said American soil.

Detroit was my last stop before heading home to Utah. I have to tell you that I am truly humbled and grateful for the blessing I have had on my last two trips to fly First Class. I never really thought much of it when I didn't know what I was missing out on. Ignorance really is bliss. But the service of the flight attendants was really appreciated.
Finally I was able to see one of my all-time favorite scenes in the world. Flying into Salt Lake.

No really...one of my favorites. If you have ever flown into the airport from the North, just as the sun is setting on the right side of the plane, and you look out over the Great Salt Lake, you will know what I mean. I have been lucky enough to see some of the most beautiful places in the world. But I would contend that there are few natural wonders that can rival the sheer beauty of the sun reflecting the entire sky in the face of that lake, with several mountain ranges cascading over each other into the horizon.
I wish I could take credit for this picture...but that belongs to this artist.
But it is good to be home. I look forward to hanging out here in Utah for AT LEAST 4 days before jumping the state again.
While I am here, I did get to go another of my favorite places:

This is J-Dawgs. If you like hot dogs and you live near Provo, you HAVE to try this place. Call me if you need directions and someone to go with you. And Thank You Hayley for inviting me!

On a final note, I saw something that made me glad I was an American while I was in Amsterdam. Located all throughout the airport are these kiosks to collect money for various charities. I noticed that consistently, all of the kiosks had far more American Dollars than any other currency. A lot of people may think we are arrogant and prideful...but no one can deny that whenever someone is in need, the People of America are the first to respond.

2009-05-28T15:14:00.003-06:00

State of a Nation part 2

2009-05-24T08:11:00.004-06:00

Who Am I? I Don't Know Anymore

Something happened today that has shaken the very foundation of my identity. I no longer know if I am who I thought I was. It seems I don't know which way is up, or how to get out...or even how to put on my socks anymore.

Ok...breath...Here's what happened.

I was sitting in church, minding my own business, when a nice Scottish gentleman comes up and introduces himself. I introduced myself, and in a thick Scottish brogue, he said, "Ahh...Lifferth! Now tha's a good Irish name if ever I heard one!"

Family...we really need to sort this out and find out the answer to this question.

It can't be true, can it? How would that explain my love of sauerkraut and bratwurst?

What's true anymore???

2009-05-23T13:53:00.003-06:00

Loch Ness

2009-05-12T13:00:00.006-06:00

Lessons Learned

Oh! So THAT'S why you separate your whites and your colors! Let's just say that some of a certain type of clothing that is popular amongst Mormons, are now the same color as a popular Mormon school.

I would post a picture...but that wouldn't be appropriate.

However, I will post a picture of me from Sunday.
Yep...I'm in Scotland. Also the same place where yesterday I had a Texas Whopper from Burger King.
It wasn't that bad.

That's all.

2009-04-18T15:31:00.002-06:00

The State of a Nation

Six ancient hands snapped the flag tight as they drew it from the coffin. With trained precision, these three service men respectfully folded the stars and stripes once again. Struggling to hold the flag with reverence as the elements of the weather howled around them, they prepared this ensign of these United States to be offered in gratitude to the widow of one more hero about to be laid to rest. As the impatient youth of the nation stood anxiously waiting to get out of the cold, these men in their twilight years gave revered homage to a compatriot who had put his life on the line during World War II and lived to tell about it. To them, the understanding of what it means to be free was not lost on the trivialities of the daily grind.

The afternoon quiet was shattered by a rifle salute of 7 service men each firing 3 shots. And just like that, cell phones were turned back on, text messages were fired up, and people scattered to get "some place else". Their memories of these senior soldiers who were attempting to, for just one moment, immortalize the sacrifices of not just this one man...but of all soldiers both past and present, evaporated like a breath of air on a mirror.

Is not this the State of our Nation?

It is no surprise that the United States of America is a nation struggling. Despite the cheery candor of our current president as he bandies himself around the world with a smile and a handshake at the ready, boasting about how this new plan is "ahead of schedule and under budget", and the media circus that surrounds him spinning the news that change is here; take a look at the people around you and ask if things really are improving.

Job loss is at an all-time high, so is inflation. Housing prices continue to plummet and company after company is seeking a stimulus bail out because it is just easier that way.

People who have enjoyed past times of plenty, and taken "advantage" of second and third mortgages so that they could purchase RVs and boats, suddenly find themselves about to face the responsibility of their actions, and they race to the government seeking aid which is being handed out by the bucket loads, hoping to deter the reality that will eventually strike them.

Meanwhile, those who were prudent, bought a reasonable home, a modest car, and maintained a proper budgeting plan, and lived as best they could within their means, now find themselves doing everything they can just to make ends meet...and still shoulder the burden of realization that all this government spending is going to come out of their own personal coffers.

To the best of my research, not one person in the media, the government or any of the "Specialists" who have been called in, have been able to share with us the cause, nor the solution to our current situation. Some may have suggested it within their closed circles, but none are ready to share it.

I will.

We, as a nation, have forgotten our God. No one in any seat of power or influence will acknowledge in an open arena that it is upon the Great Hand of Providence that this Nation has relied on to make it what it is today. It was not just the futile efforts of some men and women that catapulted the history of this nation into the forefront of superpowers. It was the efforts of these men and women AFTER their faith and reliance upon God that made us a Nation of History.

When George Washington first took the office of President of these United States, after humbling recognizing that he was honored and touched by his fellow country men who elected him and their trust in him, the first thing he said to the gathered crowd in his inaugural address was, "it would be peculiarly improper to omit in this first official act, my fervent supplications to that Almighty Being who rules over the universe, who presides in the councils of nations, and whose providential aids can supply every human defect, that His benediction may consecrate to the liberties and happiness of the people of the United States...No people can be bound to acknowledge and adore the Invisible Hand which conducts the affairs of men more than those of the United States. Every step by which they have advanced to the character of an independent nation seems to have been distinguished by some token of providential agency; and in the important revolution just accomplished in the system of their united government the tranquil deliberations and voluntary consent of so many distinct communities from which the event has resulted can not be compared with the means by which most governments have been established without some return of pious gratitude, along with an humble anticipation of the future blessings which the past seem to presage." (emphasis added)

The United States of America became great because it and the people who lead this nation, acknowledged our Heavenly Father. They expressed gratitude for His blessings both publicly and privately. They were a God-fearing people and KNEW that without Him, they and their efforts were to be lost in the histories of time as a failed attempt at creating something great.

The mindset of our nation today is that we are "Progressive" in our thinking and that it is within OUR power to make changes. We have moved beyond a need for such needless traditions as "religion". In Newsweek last week, a new study showed that the number of people who are willing to admit that they believe in Christianity has dropped by 10% in the last 10 years. The number of atheists and agnostics has increased in droves.

Every person has their opinion regarding the State of the Nation, how we got to where we are, which politician or political groups should be pointed out, scorned and blamed for the situation, and how who has the right idea of how to fix it.

I will tell you right now that the reason for our State of the Nation is because we have forgotten God. He has been taken out of our schools, out of public meetings and places. He has been pushed aside for "progressive" thinking. He has been shunned because this "crutch" is no longer needed.

I promise you that He is needed. Now more than ever before. I am not telling you how to worship, or who to worship or which religion you have to choose. I am telling you that God is out there, and He is waiting for you to find Him.

There is not a single person out there, atheist or believer, who does not cry out to a Higher Power when their life or the lives of their loved ones is in danger.

The life of our Nation is in danger. I am crying out to Heavenly Father because I love this Nation.

God blessed America. I believe He is waiting for us to say, "Thank You."

2009-03-25T17:17:00.021-06:00

The Cat in the Kilt?

A lot has happened over the last 2 months. It really isn't possible to sum everything up and still keep your attention...unless I write it all in tribute to Dr. Seuss. So grab a drink, sit back and enjoy "Oh The Places Zach Went"

Oh the places Zach went
Oh the money he spent
To the land of Scotland his work did give him a pass
For the first time ever, his Frequent Flyer status bumped him to First Class
While common folk dined on a half cup of soda and stale peanuts
He devoured Greek Pasta Salad with full service clean ups

When to the home of Scots he finally landed
A rental car to the streets of Aberdeen he was handed
Once before had he down the wrong side driven
That time a heart attack he was almost given
This round he had much more confidence in his ability
In fact he found that to driving in Europe, he had quite the proclivity

His companion on this journey was a man named Ken
This is a man who is heavily into the belief of Zen
All he spoke of was wanting to see a castle
This ended up proving quite a hassle
For weeks numbering two was the original plan
But, "For 21 days you will stay!" exclaimed The Man

The workload was horrendous
And the weather was tremendous
We ate and ate and ate some more
Fish and chips soon became a bore
To spice things up we tried many thing a new
A deep fried sausage, some haggis and other things that would make you spew

But the climax for me, of this wonderful trek-a
Was getting to visit the Golfer's Mecca
One half day we were given to site see
And to St. Andrew's the village we started to flee
This is the place where golf was created
I was so excited, I practically had to be sedated

Scottish Radio had a treat for us as well
They played the same songs as America as far as we could tell
But they only chose 10 to 20 that they felt to play
But each one had a message to say

From Taylor Swift I learned "The Love Story"
Pink was prevalent in all her glory
James Morrison taught me that I can't play on broken strings
Kelly Clarkson's life would suck without me she sings
Lady Gaga brags about having a fantastic poker face
And into the hearts of the Brits has Katy Perry found her place

I saw many a tourist and yet nary any kilts
Though I saw a waiter, (who at 6 foot 9) was probably on stilts
But Scotland came and Scotland went
Or rather it was I who returned after being sent
Back to America I came riding the Class of First
I was so excited, I was ready to burst

But what I wanted most was to be denied for yet another few days
So tired I was, I just stepped through the motions in a haze
It had been over a month since I had a day off
But then my friend who is finishing 2 Graduate Degrees, at me she did scoff
I realized that I probably shouldn't complain
There are others who live a life of much more work and pain

A few days later Cousin Craig called and said we were going camping
On a Wednesday night? Why not, I was only letters stamping
So to Nunn's Park we traveled
Why we were the only ones there? We were baffled
However, the raccoon came to visit our outdoor club
I still think in Micquelle's hair he was seeking a grub
She claims she has exquisite personal hygiene
It was a fantastic trip, but the night was so cold, it rattled my spleen

I realized how lucky I am to randomly camp in the middle of the week
I get to hang out with people who are after fun always seek
Life is not meant to be spent worrying about what might be
Get out there, get out there, there is so much to see

So with a new view on life
I went to the Canyon known as Bryce
My family will trek there on an annual basis
It is by far, one of our favorite places
So much fun is to be had by all
Because our family...is by no means small

My cousin Alicia invited her mate
She knew full well that it was a girl I did once date
Awkward can describe the initial reaction
But our friendship did once again gain traction
We all played softball to prevent any bore
But Dag-Nabit, now we are all sore

Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution were the nightly activities
And also some swimming...but not in our skivvies
I did hop in the hot tub wearing my purple speedo
Poor Karlee nearly barfed up her Cheeto
Pictures and cameras were all over the place
I think to 1000 pictures, did everyone race

Oh such a wonderful trip, we even met our new cousin-in-law Mike
We from Sunset Point to Tropic did hike
My brother and his wife took their own route
But eventually, we all from the canyon got out
In the Ward of Henrieville we did hear from their pulpit
And who brought that potato salad? Did anyone find the culprit?

My sister and her family to Colorado, by way of Payson did travel from Spokane
To see them and visit twice was not the original plan
We thought it would be once that we could bask in their company
However, TWICE we did get to see them, and laughs, there were many
Such wonderful and beautiful girls she has with her and their Dad
Gretchen and Jason themselves also aren't that bad

And so my journey of two months has come to a conclusion
Sometimes I think my life is a dream or illusion
But I have truly been blessed far more than one man could expect
Many wonderful memories I have been able to collect
And now, because my hands are starting to get clammy
I will simply end by saying:

I have The Greatest Family.

I really, truly do.

2009-03-03T12:22:00.003-07:00

Health...In Proper Dosages

A popular dish in Scotland and the UK is Fish and Chips. This pretty much consists of deep fried fish with French Fries. Mmm...Cholesterol!

So there is a quaint little "chip" shop right next door to where I am staying. The other night I stopped by for some Haddock. I asked if I could get the fish poached instead of deep fried, and they were happy to oblige. So I ended up with one of the most delicious, succulent fish entrees that I have ever had in my life. It was amazing.

However, not wanting to upset the delicate balance of my finely tuned, processed food loving body, I also had a deep fried sausage.

Health...in proper dosages.

2009-02-24T03:10:00.002-07:00

Are You A Mormon?

Yesterday one of my co-workers asked me, "Zach, aren't you a Mormon?"

The way he phrased the question, I immediately started to question if I had done something that would have given cause that I am not a Mormon. Had I sworn? Had I told an inappropriate story?

I responded by saying, "Yes, I am a Mormon...why do you ask?"

He said, "Well, you aren't uptight and judgemental. So I wasn't sure."

I took that as a compliment.

2009-02-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

Guess What...

I'm in Scotland...again!

2009-02-11T17:37:00.015-07:00

Life O Zach

Welcome back to the life and times of yours truly. When last we met, I was recovering from my adventures in Trinidad. I can assure you that I am ok, all traumatizing has been nullified. Thank you for your support.
So last Friday I went out on a date to an Indian restaurant. It was an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. They served Beef Curry on the buffet. It was good.
The last week and a half, I have been working here in the Provo shop, Monday through Friday, 8 to 5...much like a common person. The job leaves me at the end of each day pretty dirty, grimy and covered in grease. So on Saturday I decided I should take my greasy clothes down to the local laundromat. I don't want to ruin the laundry machines I typically use for cleansing of the soiled apparel. (Thanks Mom and Dad!) I am not sure what it is about the laundromat...but that is where the Cream of the Crop of Crazies come to gather. While I was there, there was a rather large woman, wearing moon boots and sweats, that scared me. She would stand there mumbling to herself, and then with no warning at all, let out a screaming "Hiii-YA!", and gesticulate in some random form of martial arts. I can tell you this...Bruce Lee she was not. However, Jackie Chan from "Drunken Master"...perhaps.
Sunday I had the opportunity to speak in church. I didn't get booed and the Bishop didn't have to correct anything I said after I sat down...so I would say it went rather well. I was able to tell the story about the bat and my farewell. That is always a great way to start any talk.
Monday night I went out to eat with a friend in Salt Lake. We went to La Chai Noodle on State Street. I think I might have got a slight touch of the food poisoning. I am grateful to the wonderful employees at Chevron on 1300 East and 2100 South for their dutiful diligence in maintaining clean restrooms. Thank you.
The next morning this same friend sent me a pic text of her very "healthy" cat sprawled out in a supine position, along with an obscure reference to Jabba the Hut from Star Wars. That was a great way to start the day.
Yesterday I found out that there were some more layoffs at a company I used to work for. To all of my friends there, you are in my prayers. Good luck through this time.
On a brighter note, my awesome brother-in-law just sent me an e-mail letting me know that two of my all-time favorite TV shows,
"Ed" and "Love Monkey"
are probably going to be coming out on DVD sometime before 2020! WHOO HOO!!!
Finally, for you men out there, this Saturday IS Valentine's day. Don't forget to get something special for your someone special. I have already purchase a large container of premium oats for my imaginary pet Stall-ony.
(Stallion Pony)
Oh and I am heading back to Scotland next week.

Until next time!

Dot Com!

2009-01-28T12:05:00.006-07:00

Trinidad

I really am going to get better at this...I have been back from Trinidad for a little over a week already and I haven't posted anything about it. What could possibly be distracting me from such an important task?? I'll tell you: 24 just started the new season. I had to catch up.

Now that I have my priorities in order and check marked...I just got back from Trinidad! Woo Hoo! For those of you scratching your noggins, wondering where on Earth this island is...I am here to help. Trinidad is the southern most Caribbean Island. It is located just 8 miles off of the coast of Venezuela. As you can imagine, the weather was fantastic down there.

For the most part, it was a pretty low-key trip with nothing too exciting happening. We spent most every day down at the pipe yard working with our equipment. The pipe yard happened to be about 200 yards from the ocean, so the view was unbeatable.

I got a spectacular sunburn, that later turned into a fantastic tan, that burned again...and is now tan once more. This picture is of me drinking from a fresh coconut that we found growing near by. We actually found about 6 of them that were ripe and ready.

The food was amazing down there. One night we went out and got shark sandwiches. Most mornings we would stop by these little street vendors and get what is called a "Double". It is a slice of pita bread with a bean sauce poured down the middle of it, with another slice of bread over the top. The bean sauce was pretty spicy, but the overall taste was amazing. We usually got two or three each morning.

We also stopped at another street vendor and got some mango. This was by far the greatest piece of fruit that I have ever tasted in my entire life. The consistency of the fruit was almost of a creamy pudding. The moment it touched your tongue, it started to melt. And the flavor! Wow...amazing!

We had the chance to go to church in the city of Port of Spain. It was a small branch of about 25 people. We were the tallest, and whitest people there. But we were welcomed with open arms. It was fun to see the new missionary, (pretty fresh out of the MTC), get called upon at the last minute to give a talk. Ahh...the memories!

Our lodging was kind of chaotic. We were working on getting an apartment, however, every day seemed to present a new challenge with the paperwork. This meant that almost every night we were in a different hotel. Most of the time we were in Port of Spain, which is on the northern tip of the island. However, the yard we were working in was located by a place called Pitch Lake. Pitch Lake is on the southern most tip of the island. So each day we were commuting the entire length of Trinidad.

Port of Spain is a beautiful town with a very diverse cultural background. It happens to be the capital of the country. We were able to see the Prime Minister's home, the government meeting house, and the President's Home. The funny thing about the President's home is that it is located right in the middle of their national zoo. He has elephants and other animals just wandering through the yards. I would run for office just for the opportunity to live in a zoo.

But I think they have something with keeping their politicians in cages.

For several nights, we stayed down closer to Pitch Lake. Pitch Lake is just that...a large, natural reservoir of pitch or tar. We drove past it each day and were able to see tar in its natural habitat. It was rather boring.

However, staying in that area of the island did prove to be an adventure. When we went down there for the first night, we were strictly instructed that once we were dropped off at our hotel, we were under no circumstances, to leave the premises of the hotel. Apparently Trinidad has the highest murder rate per capita in the world. It also is the number one location for sex-change operations. (Oh wait...that is Trinidad Colorado).

So we were staying in a pretty dangerous neighborhood. To get to the hotel, you had to pass through a secured gate with armed guards. I think even if we wanted to leave the hotel at night, we would have had a hard time getting in and out.

Which brings us to the night of the Triple Play. I call it the Triple Play because within 5-10 minutes, 3 things happened that still just blow my mind. Ok, Play number 2 isn't that unusual...but it fits with the story. Ready? Here we go:

Once upon a time, there were 3 very tired guys and one very friendly taxi driver that were heading back to a hotel for the night. Along the way, they discussed that hunger was the overall feeling at the moment. A shopping mall was coming up and the taxi driver, who happened to be a local, knew that it was a safe neighborhood, and therefore, safe to stop with these Yanks.

We pulled into the Burger King parking lot a little after 7:30 PM. The four of us walked into the restaurant and walked up to the line this side of the counter. There were about 10 other customers waiting there...but one thing we quickly noticed was that there were no employees on the other side of the counter.

So my buddy walks up to the counter and hollers into the back, "Hey! Are you guys open?"

A woman came rushing up from the kitchen and said with panic in her voice, "Someone just died."

Then she ran back.

We craned our necks to see if we could see what was going on. We saw that there was in fact a body laying down back there near the stove. We decided that it would probably be best if we were to leave. So we did. [Play #1]

As we were walking outside, a lady, probably close to 40 or 41 years old, well-dressed, walked out with us. She started talking to my buddy Mike. She was explaining to him that she was HIV Positive and had a drug problem, but that she also had a child and needed money. I interjected to say something, and she turned, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "I was talking to HIM." Then turned away.

Fine...be that way. [Play #2]

So while Mike was being asked for money, I started looking around for another place to eat. I quickly noticed about 20 feet away, a young woman of about 22 or 23 years old who was yelling at me. I looked around to see if it was me she was screaming at, and noticing that there was no one else in her line of sight, realized that, yes...she was yelling at me.

What was she yelling you ask? An excellent question. I won't go into great detail of what exactly she was yelling...but let's just say that she was offering "services" for free. No charge. (She said that a lot).

However, this was not enough...apparently I wasn't understanding what she was saying. Maybe her accent was too thick. Maybe I didn't speak English. Whatever the case for my non-response to her offers, she decide to step it up a notch and DEMONSTRATE what it was she was offering.

So....off came her pants and she proceeded to make clear, in no subtle way, exactly what it was that she was offering me.

As I looked everywhere around except at her, I noticed a Subway Restaurant. I grabbed the guys and said, "Hey look! Subway!" [Play #3]

Later that night, after we had our food and were eating, our taxi driver made some phone calls. His wife happens to work at another Burger King in a different part of town. He called her, and she called the Regional Manager to see what was going on. Sure enough, someone had died in that Burger King when we walked in. There had been some work done on the gas lines in the kitchen, and no one had re-lit the pilot light. The kitchen had filled up with gas and someone had been there too long and breathed in too much. What a sad way to go.

So that was my trip to Trinidad. Now I am back in town for a little while. I have caught up on sleep and cleaning...and most important, I am right there with Jack Bauer as he once again comes to the rescue!

2009-01-09T17:12:00.013-07:00

Hi! Remember Me?

Ok, ok...so it has been a while...a long while. I'm sorry. I am going to try and be better at this. Truth be known, I have been busy. When last we spoke, I was on my way to Scotland.

I spent two fantastic weeks in Scotland. I was sent over there because we had a whole bunch of equipment that needed to be tested and inventoried before the end of the year. It wasn't all fun and games...we worked 12-14 hours every day and only had one day off for the full 14 days. We have a facility there that we share with other departments in the overall mother company. Because of this, I was able to see a lot of the different aspects of the oil industry, at least the supply side of it. I was also able to work with a lot of very interesting people. In the UK, whenever a crane is being used, they have very strict laws about who can load and hook up the crane. At our yard, there were only two guys that were allowed to do this. No one knew where they were from because they spoke some "weird" language. They also looked and dressed alike. So I started calling them Thing 1 and Thing 2.They were some really nice guys. I did find out that they were from Lithuania.
I also got to listen to a lot of Scottish radio. It really isn't that exciting. They play 90% American pop music, and then 10% other. I think I heard The Killers' song "Human" probably 30-40 times a day. It seemed to be about every 5th song. I also found out that Duffy is white. I had no idea.

Probably the craziest thing that happened while I was there, was renting a car and learning to navigate the roundabouts of Aberdeen. Of course they gave me a stick shift. And they all drive on the "other" (wrong) side of the road. But we survived and had no accidents. I think there was some Divine help with that one.
The one day that we DID have off, we went to church and then went out to a little town called Stonehaven. This place was amazing! First of all, it is right down on the shore of the North Sea. There happened to be a storm coming in. The sea crashes up against a 10 foot retaining wall that stretches the span of the whole city. Because of the storm, the waves were so huge that they were crashing 10 feet ABOVE this retaining wall. I can't adequately describe the sheer power that Mother Nature was displaying there. It was awesome. In the purest sense of the word: Awesome.

We also got to see this castle:
It was really amazing to see this. If you are curious, it is called Dunnottar Castle. I recommend you look it up and read the history of it. Fascinating.

There was a lot more that went on there, but I will have to save that for another post. After I got back from Scotland, I was able to spend the Holidays with my family. It was one of the best Christmas and New Years Celebrations ever. I seriously have a wonderful, wonderful family.

One sad note, (well,depending on who you ask), over the Holidays, my brother Noah and his family moved to Indiana for a new job. Although I am very excited for him, I am also sad. I really enjoyed the fact that they were close and easy to visit. But I wish my brother well. He is an amazing man and his new company is very lucky to have him.

But on to the present...I am in Trinidad! I got an e-mail the other day asking for volunteers to go to Trinidad for work. I flew down on Wednesday. Did you know that Trinidad is the southern most Caribbean Island? I haven't seen Jack Sparrow yet...but I am keeping my eyes open.
Excuse me...CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.

Did you know you can sunburn in January? Enjoy the snow HA HA HA HA!!! Hello 85 degrees!

2008-12-02T11:05:00.005-07:00

My Life Is Hard

Phone call:

*Ring Ring*

Zach: Hello?

Work Coordinator: Zach? We need you to go to Scotland this week.

Zach: Oh...ok.

Work Coordinator: You leave Saturday. I'll e-mail you the ticket.

Zach: Ok, thanks.

Aye, laddy! I am off to bonnie Scotland! Again!

Oh and we had the Lifferth Family Christmas Party last night. Aunt Paula and Uncle Karl did a fantastic job of setting it up. Thanks to them! Uncle Bob, my Brother, and several of my Cousins and Aunts put on a very beautiful program about the Savior's birth. And as always, it really was a wonderful time to be able to visit with family. I have the greatest family (immediate and extended) that anyone could ever be blessed with.

Bon Voyage!

2008-11-26T22:27:00.002-07:00

Movie Night Lessons

So we had another fantastic movie night tonight. We decided to watch the animated, (albeit creepy) "Polar Express" with Tom Hanks.
We learned a very valuable lesson tonight:

Children + Hot Chocolate = Scalded Small People

Sorry Landon! I hope you are ok! Keep the shirt!

2008-11-11T00:12:00.009-07:00

H.U.E.T.

Helicopter Underwater Escape Training
So the final chapter of my Scotland '08 Legacy is centered around H.U.E.T. Not to be confused with Huey, Uncle Scrooge's Nephew and doppleganger to Dewey and Louie.
H.U.E.T. is Helicopter Underwater Escape Training. As was previously mentioned in an earlier post, a large part of my work will be in the North Sea. All rigs are only accessible by helicopter. In fact, from the Aberdeen Heliport in North Scotland, over 100,000 helicopter round trips are flown each year. Because of the frequency of such flights, it is a requirement that anyone who is to fly out there, must be certified in emergency response.
So inside of our training school, they have a large (unheated) swimming pool. They have a mock helicopter fuselage, and plenty of practice tossing said fuselage into the pool.
We were trained in two different types of escape. The first was just holding your breath. The second involved an apparatus called a re-breather.
Anytime that you are on a helicopter in the North Sea, you must be buckled in with a 4-point harness. With that said, here are the basic steps of escape:

1 - Holding Breath (Once you have been alerted that you are going down):
- Don't panic
- Tighten harness belts (you'll see why in a second)
- Locate your buckle with left hand and the window with your right hand (or vice versa if the window is to your left)
- Straighten back and put both feet flat on the ground
- Hang on

If you are using a re-breather, the only difference is inflating the air bladder after tightening the harness belts.

Once you hit the water, the most important thing to do is to wait until the helicopter has actually settled into sinking mode. There may be a few moments where the rotors are pitching and turning and you want to make sure that you will get clear of them.

Typically it is best if you wait until your entire body is under water. You then eject the window with your window hand FIRST and then flip the quick-release on your harness with your other hand. Remember tightening it down? Well, they are designed to release more quickly when there is more tension on them. So, the tighter you can get those straps, the quicker you are getting out.

Then, with your hand that located the window, you swim out. A word to the wise: Eject your window first...otherwise you have to fight your own buoyancy while trying to pop the window out.

Simple right?

Our training consisted of being tossed into the drink a total of 7 times. Sometimes we went in right-side up. Sometimes we were upside down. We were also tossed in pitched to one side. Sometimes we used the re-breather...sometimes, we were flying only on the air in our lungs. (I actually preferred that because the re-breather was really complicated.)

On my final dunking, I knew we were going in upside down, and I didn't use the re-breather. I remember going under, and just sitting there. I was strapped in, hanging upside down, underwater, and frozen in time. I wasn't panicking at all. It was actually quite calm. I just remember sitting there and soaking it all in that I was in Scotland...upside down, underwater, in a helicopter shell. It was surreal.

Anyway, I realized that I hadn't moved in a few moments and the trainers were probably going to come after me. So I popped, flipped, and surfaced with no problems.

I love my job.

2008-11-03T17:04:00.000-07:00

Scotland!

The blustery weather of yesterday takes me back to a time that I visited the enchanting country of Scotland. It seems that it was only a week or so ago that I was preambling along the rolling green hills of bonny Scotland, an overcast sky painted in every shade of gray, and a pureness of air cycling through my lungs. It really is a beautiful country with wonderful people.

I went to Scotland for work to attend a school there that is designed to help train people for survival situations off-shore. Aberdeen is an international hub for the European oil industry, and it is located on the north shores of Scotland. There you will find a booming economy central to supporting the drilling of oil in the North Sea. Because of this propensity for the industry, many of the most sought out training facilities are established there. The school that I went to was designed specifically for off-shore survival.

The three days of intense training that I went through were basically broken up into three categories. 1) First Aid, 2) Fire Fighting, 3) H.U.E.T. or Helicopter Underwater Escape Training. I'll write more on the third one in my next post.

With the first aid training, it wasn't your basic, run-of-the-mill CPR certification. By re-creating scenarios that have happened in the past, we would be presented with a situation and asked how to proceed. An example might be:

You have just evacuated a rig. You and 28 other people have successfully deployed an emergency raft designed only for 20 people. You are floating in the North Sea, where the June temperature of the water is 15 Celsius (59 Fahrenheit), and it is November. 3 people are unconscious. 1 person has a compound fracture of the leg. 2 more people are bleeding uncontrollably, and 1 person has gone into shock. Your supplies consist of food and water rations for 20 people for 3 days, you have a VERY limited first aid kit, 1 knife, two oars, 6 flares, and a bailing bucket. You are several hundred miles from any land. What do you do?

We would then proceed to figure out the best possible solutions. Sometimes we were asked why we did certain things first and postponed first aid to others. The whole idea was to help us get our minds wrapped around the idea that, A) 911 wasn't always going to be there for us, and B) sometimes, you had to make tough decisions.

It was very eye opening.

We also had the opportunity to learn basic fire fighting. Again, being out on a rig, you don't always have many of the things that we take for granted around here, such as if the structure you are currently in starts on fire...you can't always run outside and get away. So...what do you do?

We learned about the different types of fires that are possible, and which methods work best to extinguish them. It wasn't all book work and PowerPoints either. They had a very elaborate fire yard to help us with practical application.

We also learned different means of escaping a smoke filled room.

When we weren't in classes, we spent most of our time out and about seeing the sites. Now, Aberdeen is not well-known for its tourism, so catering to that crowd is held at a minimum. However, we were still able to see many wonderful things.
Downtown Aberdeen:

The architecture:

Random Cool Buildings:

But I think one of the best parts was their polite way of telling you what the speed limit was:

How courteous of them!

2008-10-28T14:03:00.000-06:00

I've Seen London...I've Seen France...

But they've all seen my underpants.

Can I just tell you that Europe is awesome? First of all, (because I know this is what you are all really wondering), I did pass my Sea Survival Training and am now certified to work under both UK and Norway Regulations in the North Sea. Now for those of you willing to stick it out a little longer, I will tell you about the rest of the story. I am going to break this down into about three posts.

Post Number 1: London!
The first leg of my journey involved an overnight stay in a little town I like to call, London. It's in England. We had 12 hours from the minute that we landed at 8:15 PM Saturday night until 8:15 AM Sunday morning when we continued on to Scotland. Minus the time it took us to get to the hotel, get signed in, and then get back to the airport the next morning, we had about 5 hours. We scheduled 1 hour for sleep from 4:30 to 5:30 AM, giving us 4 hours to explore and enjoy this hub of international crossroads.
Our first stop was the nearest underground station. We met a cheeky woman who was more than excited to share with us how to get into the "bowels of London". We followed her advice, got lost and then figured our way out of it.
Our first goal was Big Ben. We were discussing how we would know where to go once we got outside, but that problem was solved the moment we were walking up the steps from underground and looked up. This is the sight we saw:

Well, that was easy.
We spent the next three hours squeezing more into our tour of London than I think anyone else has ever successfully squeezed before. We were able to see the Parliament Building, St. Abbey's Cathedral, Trafalgar Square, the Thames River, The Eye of London, Piccadilly Square, the Sherlock Holmes Restaurant, the home of Herman Melville (author of "Moby Dick"), rode a double-decker bus, and topped it all off with a street hot dog! We pretty much saw everything there is to see except Buckingham Palace. We dodged a LOT of drunk people, got caught up into two different dance club crowds, and ate at McDonald's. While we were there, an Irish man came up to us and wanted to shake our hands. With each hand shake, he looked us in the eye and said, "Aye...that's a good fine grip you have there lad! Fancy a fight do ya?"
None of us took him up on the offer. But it was fun. The same Irishman then went on to call a couple of other people "wankers", and then he wandered off in a drunken stupor. What a night!
However, the best is yet to come. On weekends in London, to help alleviate the constant bladder pressure that must plague all of their drunk patrons, the good city of London sets out portable plastic urinals on most street corners. Picture this: a tall gray column of plastic, sectioned off into 4 equal parts, thus enabling four mates all to take care of business at the same time. Of course, not wanting to perturb the balance of British Custom, I figured, "When in Rome..."

It was only after I urinated in Trafalgar Square that we found out that London is the most videotaped city in the world. The average working citizen is caught on video about 820 times a day.

I'm a Star!

Not bad for 4 hours.

On to Aberdeen Scotland!

2008-10-14T22:07:00.000-06:00

Woe Is Me...

I want to first thank all those of you who made it to movie night last Friday. I hope that everyone had as good a time as I did. For those of you who missed out, we did watch "Run Fat Boy Run". All who showed up were given a Marathon Number to pin on their shirt, and plenty of Gatorade to go around. I want to give a special shout-out to Jamie for her fantastic mini-pumpkin pies! Even Scott thoroughly enjoyed them.
On Saturday I took a date up to drive the Nebo Loop. Due to unforeseen circumstances, we only had enough time to get up to Payson Lakes and back. But it was a lot of fun. We got some really good pictures in the short time we had. (Thanks Kaila for letting me take your camera!) My date had a really red coat that stood out in fantastic contrast to the yellow leaves of the Quakies. I wish I had taken more advantage of that.
So the other day we get a message at work that instead of going to Scotland in December or January, they are going to move it up and send us before the end of the month. They are breaking us up in to 4 groups of 4 and staggering our trips to accommodate the training school in Aberdeen Scotland. Most groups are going to be gone for 5 days: 1 day of travel, 3 days in Aberdeen, and 1 day to return home. One group however, has to leave a day earlier than normal...spend a night in London...arrive on a Sunday morning, (thus giving them PLENTY of time to adjust for jet lag)...three days of schooling...(to learn how to survive in a water helicopter crash). Oh and then they have to stay one more extra day to get European Physicals done. (Apparently European Doctors don't trust American Doctors.) (Please tell me that I don't have to explain the irony of this picture)
Anyway...after the extra day chock full of a 15 minute inconvenience, this same group has to hang out in Scotland all that day and then they FINALLY get to depart on their homeward journey on Friday. Two extra days...more extra time...more extra pay.

Guess which group I am in.

It's ok...if I wasn't me....I would be jealous too.

If anyone is interested, tomorrow night, (Wednesday), I am going to have an impromptu movie night and watch "Braveheart"...and you are welcome to join me! It is rated R. For anyone who has had a stereotypical "What's Your Favorite: (fill in the blank)" First-date Conversation with me, you will know that this is my number one, all-time favorite movie. Of course most of the hundreds of people (girls) that would fall into that category are probably not reading this blog right now, nor ever. But alas...I digress. I'm going to Scotland! I'm going to eat Haggis! I'm going to wear a kilt in the traditional manner! Man...I have a tough life!

2008-09-29T21:35:00.000-06:00

My Date With Karlos

I have been set up on a lot of dates...but Saturday night's took the cake! Craig and I were talking the other day on the phone and he asked if I wanted to go to a play that was being put on at The Heritage School where he worked. He said that he was coming, his parents and possibly a couple of other people.
That crazy Craig...he ended up working, and the only others to show up were Karlos and me.
So my "date" and I watched "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat".
Lousy date....I didn't even get a good night kiss.
All joking aside...this was a fantastic production. All of the participants were between the ages of 12 and 18. Both Karl and I were very impressed with the quality of the play, the props, the acting and the overall production. The Heritage School does a fantastic job. They put on a production like this once a year, and I highly recommend you check it out. I plan to go again next year...but this time with a female date.
Speaking of dates...have you seen this movie? "My Date With Drew". It is a documentary about a guy who really, REALLY wants to go out on a date with Drew Barrymore. I won't tell you how it ends...but I recommend you check it out.
Finally...as long as we are on the topic of movies...I am announcing the first official Blu-Ray Movie Night! Everyone who wants to come is invited. (It helps that I don't have a couch yet...plenty of room for people to sit on the floor).
On Friday October 10th at 7:00 PM...we will be watching "Run Fat Boy Run". If you haven't seen this, I highly recommend it. It is a hilarious, yet touching movie that will move you...well, to do something.
As with all Movie Nights, you are required to dress appropriately. The theme is "Running".
If you don't know where I live in Provo...leave me a comment and I will contact you with the information.

2008-09-21T15:22:00.000-06:00

A Real Post

Hi! How are ya?
Ok, so I want to apologize for the last post. Due to the fact that I currently do not have Internet access at my apartment, it has been slightly difficult to get around to posting on my blog. However, I was looking at my sweet Helio 3G Phone that surfs the Net and thought, "Why don't I post on my blog using my phone?" Trust me...the thought was genius. The execution...not so much. Obviously I am not as cool as my cousin Matt. Maybe if I had attempted to post from a funeral instead of sitting on the toilet...
I do want to publicly thank those of you who still commented on my blank post though. Comments on my blog are pretty much the only validation I get in life...so I greatly appreciate it. Thank you!

So in case you haven't heard...I am back in Utah!Yes...that disturbance you felt in The Force...that was me re-entering the Bubble. Can I tell you how happy and excited I am to be here? Seriously...this is one of the greatest places to live. Being this much closer to family makes it all the better.
In fact...today I was able to attend the "farewell" of my cousin Laura's son, David. (Side note: He is going to be one fantastic missionary! Look out Samoa!) Afterwards, we all gathered together at their home to enjoy a wonderful meal and each others' company. Several of us gathered around the shade of one tree and were visiting, and the comment came up that we have "too many cousins". We started joking about voting off some of the cousins so it would be easier to keep track of. We started throwing out names of people to vote off, (mostly people that weren't there to defend themselves), but every single name that was suggested, we started talking about them and telling stories that we remember about them, and inevitably vetoed the votes. Every single person we could name, we had wonderful memories and feelings for. I tell you what...I have the greatest family ever, both immediate and extended.
Speaking of immediate family...I am an uncle again! My sister Gretchen gave birth to a little girl a few days ago. I am very excited to see my new niece.
Now that I am back in Utah...I have started a new job. Can I tell you that this is THE GREATEST JOB EVER? No really. It is. My new job consists of so many varying responsibilities and areas of knowledge that I will never, ever get bored. Not only will I be traveling around the WORLD ensuring that equipment is working properly, but within that scope, I will be dealing with everything from electronic wiring to man-handling rough terrain equipment in all sorts of environments. Last week we had a lecture on wave theory and the differences between electromagnetic and mechanical waves...and in the same day we started first aid and CPR training.
We also found out that when we go to Scotland for our off-shore training, we will also be trained as fire fighters.Can you just see my Man Points skyrocketing upwards?
One of the first things that we were asked to do was to get some steel-toe boots for work, (and the company paid for them). The first day I wore them, I felt like drinking milk straight from the container, driving around and NOT asking for directions, and then spend time NOT listening when girls were speaking to me. I felt like a Real Man.
In case you were wondering, if you had carried on a conversation with me on Friday afternoon/evening, it quite possible could have gone like this:
You: "Hello Zachary!"

Me: "Well Hello (fill in name/relation here)! How are you doing?"

You: "I am doing well! Thank you for asking. So what did you do today?"

Me: "Why it's funny that you ask...today I certified as a Rough Terrain Forklift Operator."

You: "Wow Zachary! You are amazing!"

Me: "I certainly am."

Now if we could have had a similar conversation last night, it could have gone like this:

You: "Hello Zachary!"

Me: "Well Hello (fill in name/relation here)! How are you doing?"

You: "I am doing well! Thank you for asking. So what did you do today?"

Me: "Why it's funny that you ask...today I certified to have my HAM Radio license."

You: "Wow Zachary! You are quite accomplished!"

Me: "I certainly am."

Again...that is just a sample of what could have transpired between us.

So yes...in the last few days, I certified as a rough terrain forklift operator and earned my HAM Radio license (I get my call sign on Monday or Tuesday! Then I can get my license plates! Geeks will inherit the Earth!). Utah has been good to me!

So if you ever find yourself in a quandary involving a rough terrain forklift and/or a HAM Radio...you know who to call.

As a final note...I have to say that I am quite impressed with the lack of interest by most parties in setting me up on blind dates. Thank you...I actually really appreciate that. There are a few offers that have come through, and I have accepted some. If anyone has any good date ideas...I am always looking for something to supplant the "Dinner and Movie" standby. So let your creativity flow!

2008-09-19T17:09:00.000-06:00

2008-08-27T01:59:00.001-06:00

"The Rocker" ROCKS!

I'll admit...I really didn't put a whole lot of stock into expecting much from this movie. However, as a last "Harrah!" in California, a friend and I went and saw it tonight.

IT WAS AWESOME!

Seriously...we thought it would start strong and then go downhill from there...or that all the funny parts were already shown in the trailers. Oh no...it started strong and like a steroid-pumped Russian body builder...just kept going to the final credits. The music was fantastic. The acting was great. The storyline was good. The humor and dialog were brilliant!

Oh and if that isn't enough to convince you...for those of you who remember a short-lived, but genius series called "Love Monkey" with Tom Cavanagh (also famous for his roles as JD's older brother in Scrubs, and Ed from Ed)...the lead singer of the band in "The Rocker", is played by Teddy Geiger, the same kid who played Wayne.

Wayne was good. "Curtis" (the character) is better. Teddy Geiger is awesome.

If you go to see this movie and you don't like it...I will fight you.

Go see "The Rocker" right now. Stop reading this. Go now. Seriously. You'll thank me. And I will say, "You are welcome. I told you so."

Why are you still here?

Seriously...leave!

Finally.

2008-08-18T01:41:00.000-06:00

Homeward Bound

Many of you slightly older than Generation Y, yes, you who are fondly referred to as Generation X, probably remember this classic feel-good flick: Homeward BoundFewer of you will probably remember, (or care to admit that you actually saw it), that there was a sequel made: Homeward Bound 2: Lost in San FranciscoAlso known as, "Our pets are stupid...but as owners, we take the cake."
All this waxing nostalgia, coalesces with the excitement and down-right giddiness that I feel as I make the following announcement:
I'm coming home!
That's right...this is not a drill...this is not a visit. I am moving back to Utah and I couldn't be more thrilled. (I don't know how Governor Huntsman feels about it all, but I am sure he is happy to have another registered voter, even during his pandering to the elementary school crowd)Another huge aspect of my Limbo-esque state that I wrote of last week, was due in part to my waiting to hear on a job I had interviewed for with a company in Provo. It is the same company that my brother works for, but I won't be making ladders.No, my difficult assignment will be to travel the world visiting oil rigs and making sure their computer networks and communications are copacetic. Now some people might question why I would ever want to get out of the Network Marketing world.Or trade living in Orange County California for the glorious city of Provo. However, Utah, is my home. That is where my family is, (other than a small off-shoot who are making their way in Spokane, WA).
I am excited to be coming home. I am moving up over Labor day weekend...and as soon as I am settled in, there will be movie nights...oh yes Mark, there WILL be movie nights.

2008-08-11T23:15:00.000-06:00

Limbo

and

Oops...Don't Pull That

That's right! You get a two-for-one special today! Aren't you just the luckiest web-browser around? Go ahead...give yourself a pat on the back. I'll wait.

Ancient mariners were masters of the sea. Navigation was accomplished through the use of stars, sun, sails and of course, wind. However, there were times that these masters of the deep found themselves trapped at the mercy of the dull-drums. When the winds ceased to blow, ships often were stranded in one location for (often) days at a time. There was nothing that the captain or his worthy crew could do, but wait until the Fates of the Ocean smiled down upon them and sent their blowing strength to the rescue.
So I find myself, in a similar state of limbo. I sway back and forth on the balls and heels of my feet awaiting changes to come my way. Juggling through the air, these are just a few of the limbo-esque aspects of my life:
1 - Medical: It will be at least another week before I hear any results from my surgical biopsy from last week. So here I sit, staring at my newly acquired scars, wondering if it was all worth it.
2 - Work: Currently our company has decided to launch a new campaign, (new president...new regime...new campaign...right?) It is to pre-launch tomorrow. However, the details are still forth coming. Every day, I field questions from leaders wondering what is going to happen and I have nothing but a shrug of the shoulders and my winning smile to offer.
3 - Seminary: Our training began today. So once again I am getting up at 5:30 in the morning and chasing the fleeting knowledge that only cements itself in those who keep themselves worthy of the Spirit. However, our class assignments have not been determined. Which knowledge-hungry grade will I have to influence this year?

So in the dull-drums I sit. I sit, listening to one hand clapping the silent applause of a standing ovation to an orchestra of mimes.

Part 2
Warning...the following paragraph is slightly graphic in nature. If you have a weak stomach, I recommend that you stop reading.

Having said that...so you know I had surgery last week? Well, they put this glue over the incisions and stitches to keep them from infection and whatnot. I was warned that after a couple of days, this glue would start to fall off. Perfectly normal.
Sure enough, the glue started to fall off.
Yesterday, I was looking at the incision on my arm and saw, (what I thought was) a piece of the glue. I couldn't grab it with my fingers, so I grabbed some tweezers, took hold and yanked.
Out comes one of my stitches. Oops.
But as I am looking at the cut. I realize...I can see all the way to my bone! That is SO COOL! So I moved the skin around a bit, and could see different parts of my bone. This was the coolest thing I had seen in at least an hour.
It was then I realized that most people, at this point of seeing their innards, would probably pass out. However, I just cleaned it up, grabbed some butterfly bandages and went to town fixing it up. I am keeping a close eye on it for discoloration.

Moral of the story...don't pull that! It might come undone.

2008-08-04T16:18:00.000-06:00

Chop! Chop!

Ok, so it was more of a snip, snip...but I literally just came out of a the drug induced sleep and take no responsibility for whatever I end up typing here.
The surgery went well. At least as far as I know at this point. I have two gnarly scars that are going to be some serious "Show Off" material. (Apparently "gnarly" is not in the dictionary as my computer is telling me that it is spelled wrong. But as I said...no responsibility right now.)
The doctor went in and took out a piece of my arm and part of my thigh for examination. The results probably won't be in for a week or two...but at least this part of it is over.
I really want to thank all of you for your thoughts, well-wishes, and especially your prayers. I know that they were all answered. (Unless any of you prayed for a pony...then I have no idea if it was answered or not.)
I have to say...waking up from a drug-induced haze is kind of an invigorating feeling. Most of the nurses and my friend who picked me up from the hospital are all questioning why I am so perky. I have no idea.
So when I first came to on the recovery room bed, I looked down next to my thigh and saw a brown stain. I thought to myself, "OH CRAP! Did I poop myself during the operation??" Then I realized it was just dried blood.
Like I said...no responsibility for my writing right now.
Anyway...enjoy this post while it is still up. I may read it later and decide to take it down. In the meantime, I have a serious hankering for some turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes with gravy. When is Thanksgiving again?
Maybe I can find a restaurant.

In what may be my only lucid moment of this post: I really do want to thank all of you for your prayers. Faith and our Heavenly Father will always have more impact on our lives than anything man can create. So thank you.

2008-08-02T00:41:00.000-06:00

Favor

Umm...yeah. I am not very good at this. But I am going in for surgery on Monday morning. It isn't a big deal...very simple procedure. They are just going to chunk out a piece of my leg and arm. No sweat.
But if you happen to be praying between now and then and bring up my name, or that things will go well...or more importantly, mention the doctors and medical staff who will be in the same room as me in that prayer, it would be very appreciated.

Thank you.

2008-07-29T13:08:00.000-06:00

Huh? Seriously?

Yes...there was an earthquake...yes, I am alive and ok...and yes, the In-N-Out Burgers are all fully functional and operating. You can breathe easy.
Apparently, there was an earthquake about 10 minutes ago. I was driving on the freeway, so I didn't really feel anything. However, being the stellar reporter that I am, when I got to the office, I noticed that the entire building had been evacuated. Applying my investigative skills, I found out that I missed a 5.8 shaking of the Earth. We are obviously all back in the building now. However, I am kind of bummed because I didn't get to feel it.
The earthquake happened about 20 miles northeast of here around a place called Chino Hills. It was a 5.8 on the ol' Richter Scale.
You gotta love California!
In other news, I met with the doctor a few days ago about my MRI. He was optomistic because he now feels he knows what direction to go in. Yay for modern medicine! Anyway, the next step is to take a biopsy of a couple parts of my muscle and tissue. Here comes the knife!

2008-07-11T23:52:00.000-06:00

Thank You

I wanted to extend a very heartfelt thank you to each of you who expressed your condolences and sentiments on my Grandma's passing away. So many of you, both publicly and privately, gave much needed emotional support.

So thank you.

2008-07-11T21:25:00.000-06:00

"You're weird."

Let's be honest...I hear that a lot. I have actually grown quite accustomed to hearing it on a semi-regular, (if not daily) basis. Like water off of a duck's back, (which is really cool to watch), this term of endearment has become a comfortable staple of my life that doesn't affect me in any way.
However...when it is said to me by someone with a little clout, it takes on a whole new meaning.
Most of you who are familiar with my sordid history of the last few years are well aware of my joint and pain issues that torment me each waking moment. It started about 3-4 years ago, and although these last two years have subsided quite a bit, the pain has recently flared up again, prompting another round of "Guess the Diagnosis" with the medical community.
The first round ended with a giant question mark. There were blood tests drawn, needles poked and prodded, and electrical shocks strategically placed in various areas of my body, but all to no avail. My hands continued to look older than they should; I developed multiple "elbows", and overall just have found it difficult at times to do what I used to be able to do.
Fast forward to the present day: As I mentioned, the pains have returned. So another volley of doctor visits has commenced. First I went to my primary care physician. Baffled at what he saw, I was traipsed along to a specialist...a rheumatologist. Our first meeting, he slated me for another large battery of tests. He told me that with these tests, plus another set of needle prodding and electric shocks, and they would be able to say without a doubt, what was going on with me.
So...I went under several blood-sucking needles, played the part of pin cushion to some masochists, and returned to my doctor with the excited expectancy of a toddler on the eve of his birthday gathering.
"You're weird."
There it was. But this time...it meant something because it was coming from a medical professional. The doctor went on to say that several of the tests they performed were specifically set up to find out exactly what I had. He said that if test A came back positive, then without a doubt, I would have "Condition X", however, if test B came back positive, I would most definitely have "Condition Y". But just in case, if test C came back positive, then there would be no shadow of lingering question, and with every fiber of his being, he would know that I had "Condition Whatever".
The problem was that all the tests came back positive. Apparently, to his knowledge, this is the first time that has ever happened. They ran the tests again...same results.
Apparently...I am weird.
However, the other day I DID get to do something that I have never had a chance to do before, but have seen and heard about many, many times. I entered....THE MRI OF DOOOOOM!
Yes, I had an MRI...but it wasn't nearly as dramatic as what you see on television...nor did I suddenly discover that I had some random piece of metal shrapnel in my body that was magnetically sucked out of my body. I just laid there for a good 30 minutes listening to the soft rock radio station they had selected for the day. (Thanks Phil Collins...for being there for me)
And the results of the MRI are.....
Coming next week.

Oh yeah...as we were finishing our last appointment, I asked the doctor about some exercises that I wanted to do, to put a little meat on my bones. (Because nothing says Body Builder like Zachary Lifferth!)

Anyway, I asked him about doing some push ups and he looked at me like I was a complete idiot. Again...this is a look I am very familiar with...but when it comes from someone of the medical profession (that I am not related to...sorry Jason and Geoff), it seems to carry more of an impact.

So I am weird...and an idiot. But at least I am an enigma!

2008-06-26T23:28:00.000-06:00

Grandma

“Grandma!” I hollered as I ran into the room
“I am going to jump over the house thanks to your new trampoline!”

She replied, “I believe that you will.”
“Just be sure I am there when you land on the other side.”

Summer moved on and winter came through

“Grandma!” I shouted into the phone
“I am going to win every race with the skateboard you gave me!”

She replied, “I believe that you will.”
“Just be sure to get a picture of you at the finish line.”

The calendar turned, the weeks hurried by

“Grandma!” I boasted
“I am going to grow as tall as my Uncle Bud!”

She replied, “I believe that you will.”
“Would you like some cereal to fill that appetite?”

Seasons turned and months were spent

“Grandma!” I exclaimed
“I am going to be a successful businessman someday!”

She replied, “I believe that you will.”
“Just let me know if you ever need a partner on the side.”

Years passed on and people grew older

“Grandma!” I said
“I am going to travel abroad to help other people.”

She replied, “I believe that you will.”
“Remember that I will be back here thinking of you.”

Time was spent, the end was near

“Grandson!” She whispered
“I just want to make a difference.”

I replied, “I believe you already did.”

-ZDL

I pray that each of you may have a grandparent as wonderful as my Grandma Striegel. A woman who believed in me no matter what.

2008-06-26T10:32:00.000-06:00

Life

Einstein was onto something with his whole Theory of Relativity. Despite the many times I have actually sat down and stared at a clock, or a watch, or some other time-keeping device, the seconds always remain the same length of time. The minutes tick by with every 60 seconds, and each hour, (no matter how much urging or persistent nagging occurs), still lasts exactly 60 minutes.
Even though all this is true, Einstein unlocked what some have deemed his greatest discovery, which is that time is relative.
My cousin Craig, the wise sage that he is, once told me, "How long a minute is depends upon which side of the bathroom door you stand."
He is a wise fellow that one.
Life happens fast. Many of you might remember that fantastic family reunion up in Montana where we got those cool t-shirts with a picture of the cabin on the front. That was 23 years ago.
Do you remember where you were when the Berlin Wall came down? 19 years ago.
Did you know the Simpsons have been on the air for 19 years?
Where were you when Kurt Cobain died? That was 14 years ago.
How many of you were at the airport when I got home from my mission in Russia? That was 11 years ago.
Do you remember Y2K? Over 8 years ago.
9/11 was almost 7 years ago.
It's been 3 years since Lance Armstrong raced (and won) the Tour de France.
Life happens fast. In the past week, I had one cousin celebrate the first anniversary of her 29th birthday, a dear friend of mine, who has been with our company for over 10 years, was let go, my Grandma passed away (which is going to get its own blog entry), and last night, I found out that a close friend of mine has leukemia. She is only 22 years old.

St. John 10:7-11 reads:
7 - Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep.
8 - All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them.
9 - I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.
10 - The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
11 - I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

2008-06-17T19:18:00.000-06:00

DZK

Yes, that is Danny Glover, me, and our buddy Ken. I have a great job.
This is me trying to cram 2 SnoBalls into my mouth at the same time.
I failed. But it tasted good!

2008-06-12T16:57:00.000-06:00

Reality...You Are Ugly

So, along with most Americans with some nuance of literacy, I have been reading up on the two contenders for the Presidential Vacancy that will be arriving shortly. Wanting to gain as much information about these two men that I can, I have diligently been waxing up my understanding of these individuals by thoroughly consuming any and all information that I come across.

Lately, there have been quite few commentaries on the ages of these two candidates. Sen. McCain is of course noted for the many years he has accumulated under his belt. Sen. Obama on the other hand, has been vilified as not having enough rotations around the sun to adequately stand up to the pressures that could be placed upon his shoulders.

Well, I decided to check the facts and find out exactly how old Sen. Obama is. Thanks to the folks at Wikipedia, I learned that he is 46 years old.

He is 14 years older than me. That means he was in Jr. High when I was born.

*knock knock*

"Zach could you check the door and see who is out there?"

Sure thing.

"Who is it?"

Reality.

Crap.

2008-06-04T15:27:00.001-06:00

Employee Reviews

Words that were used to describe me in a recent Annual Employee Review that lead me to wonder exactly how well does my boss actually know me:

Shy

2008-05-29T20:39:00.001-06:00

Oh...so THAT'S why they call it a STING Ray!

It all makes sense now!

This morning I drove down to Carlsbad to hang out with my brother Noah and his family. They didn't have any plans today and I didn't have to go into work until later in the afternoon, so we decided to hit the beach.

Noah wanted to try his hand (and feet) at surfing, so we had our wetsuits and my board and a wide open ocean to give it a go. He went out for a while and did far better than I ever did my first voyage into all things surfing.

When he tired, he came back in and we traded places. I went out and started having some fun with the board. After a while, I came in, and he not being ready to go out again, let me take a second hit at the waves.

This time, however, as I was walking out into the ocean, when I reached a point where the water was about to my thigh, I felt a sharp cut across the side of my right foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I figured I better head back in and assess the damage. When I got close enough in that I could lift my foot out of the water, all I saw was blood POURING out of the side of my foot.

Keep in mind, 3 or 4 weeks ago, there was a fatal Great White Shark attack about 4 miles to the south of where we were.

So I hobbled on into the beach and sat down to start cleaning the wound.

Fortunately, after wiping away most of the blood and all the water that had mixed with it, the cut wasn't near as bad as it had first appeared. It was only about an inch long, but pretty deep. It was still bleeding quite a bit.

I want to pause now and thank all of Corporate America for their generosity when it comes to t-shirts. Those logo emblazoned team-building promotional items make great make-shift bandage wraps.

So as I am soiling my latest t-shirt, a local beach comber strolls by and asks if I got tagged by a sting ray. I told him I was pretty sure it was just a piece of glass. He told me that I will know in about 5 minutes if it was a Sting Ray or something else.

Sure enough, within 5 minutes my foot felt like it was on fire, wedged in a closing vice, and crushed under a 5-ton elephant. (Not that elephants actually get that large...but you get the idea.)

Well, I had to head into work, so I cleaned it up the best I could, hopped-along to my car and drove for the next hour or so back to the office. All the while, my foot was throbbing like a love-sick swooner's heart as he stares at a picture of his gal. Only it hurt too.

Long story short...about 3-4 hours later, it stopped hurting all together and I now have a clean slice right across the inside of my foot.
My friends have said that I am now, officially, a Local.

On another note...happy Mt. Everest Anniversary! It was on this date in 1953 that Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay became the first people to reach the pinnacle of the tallest mountain in the world. A truly remarkable feat!

2008-05-22T23:42:00.000-06:00

Pride is a Sin...

And I am NO Saint.

Many of you know that I am teaching Early-Morning Seminary this year. I have the Freshmen class and we are studying the Old Testament. Combine all these factors, (crack of dawn...pre-adolescent, Isaiah), and you have the workings of...well, Chaos.

Keep this in mind as I tell a tale of wonderment and pride!

So this evening we had our End of Year Scripture Mastery Night where all of the classes in the stake get together and we have a fun contest to see which of the classes best retained their knowledge and understanding of the 25 Scripture Mastery Scriptures. It is a big event hailed by all members of the Stake, most especially the parents.

We brought together the Seasoned Seniors, the Well-Versed Juniors. There are two classes of Sophomores, each preambulating around the room with boisterous confidence. As special guests, we had the combined classes of the San Juan Building, and finally, we had my riotous Freshmen.

The battle lines were drawn...the contest commenced. It was a grueling struggle. Tears were shed...confidence was shattered...entire teams opined expressions of grief and juxtapostioned joy. But in the end, the points were tallied and each of the classes was able to see how they performed.

When all the chips had fallen, the Freshmen class had turned in a respectable amount of points taking the third place position.

But wait...the points were given on the performance of individual students and then collectively gathered as a team. This meant that those classes with more students, had significantly more potential to earn points than those classes where only a few participants had arrived. So algorithms were sequestered, calculators pounded, and as our Stake Presidency representative asked for silence in the gymnasium, he read off the final stats to a hushed audience:

For the first time in recorded history, (at least as long as anyone could remember), the FRESHMEN Class gave a resounding wallop to all other challenging classes...every one of which had experienced veterans of the Scripture Mastery Night. The Freshmen Class took First Place overall.

I know it is a church event...I know pride is a sin...however, I can't help feeling just the slightest little twinge of swelling in my heart to know that my students actually pulled off the victory.

I think a tear might be shed in honor of this moment.

2008-05-10T12:25:00.000-06:00

Decisions

This post has nothing to do with the confusion in the previous post...however, I have a choice to make. For a reasonable deal, I can upgrade from 1080i to 1080p. If you know what I am talking about...share with me your thoughts.

2008-05-07T21:45:00.000-06:00

What's that word...?

The relentless pandering of each minute as it steadily tick-tocks its way into the abyss of oblivion has not wasted itself echoing on deaf ears. Oft times we find ourselves precariously staggering that fine line between sanity and the great depth considered as “at a loss”. Ergo, the natural instinct is to stand idly by, gathering a substantial amount of relevant (and irrelevant) data, presume to postulate on the situation as best we can understand it, and then to take action as is finally deemed necessary and appropriate. Concordantly, I have metaphorically been taking this leave of absence on all things pertinent, and delved into a self-indulgent assessment of where I stand.

So I welcome you to this culinary fusion of drama and humor that is considered in all respects, My Life, and invite you to briefly allow yourself to be subjugated to the wandering muses that constitute my rambling. I would not be so pompous as to assume you will chase this roe of a thought as it leaps and hurdles through diverse cross-sections of all things Zach, but the sheer concept that you have taken a portion of your 24-hour allotment of Present Time is appreciated far more than mere words can attest.

I suppose the crux of the situation comes down to choice. How often do we find ourselves flitting about with all the logic of an erratic butterfly cranked up on speed, assuming that our paths are those we have chosen, forever salivating in a Pavlovian reaction to the telltale ring of the Bell of Life? Do we really presume ourselves to such a degree that we unceremoniously accept everything that we have as the works and glories of our own hands and action? Only in the delirious state of self-absorption could one feasibly dilute the facts of reason and logic into a melting pot of self-serving aggrandizement. How easily do we forget that we are no more than symbolic tetrarchs of our own destiny?

It is only through constant daily reminders that there is a Power that is greater than what the mere mortal mind can conceive of that has graciously given us all that we have, and on top of that, has given us the opportunity to CHOOSE whatever it is that we want. We have been given choice, the ability and knowledge to do as we wish. Every action that you take today will be because our Heavenly Father, through His Son Jesus Christ, gave you the opportunity to choose.

However, before dashing off into a myopic trance of ultimate choosing, let us not forget that consequence is the Siamese Twin that is eternally bound to the freedom of choice that we have been given.

So with choice…as I enjoy having its traveling partner along for the ride, and even though an understanding of this eternal concept always seems to sally forth just out of reach of my simple mind, I am still obligated to exercise this right. The tomfoolery imagination that I might abstain from choosing, in the hopes of negating any possible fall out, is easily derailed on its way to the train station of acceptance by the glaring notion that to not choose…is simply choosing not to. Consequences shall rain from the skies, in spite of the abjectness of inaction.

Choice. Thy movements reflect the choreographic beauty of the Wind Dancer. Here in an instant, gone in a flash, just when the warmth of understanding begins to wrap its woolen arms around, lulling you into a sedentary state of comfort and security, the drenching power of the cascading cold consequence drowns out your feeble assumptions.
I have choices to be made…but I still lack the one word that I am searching for…the one word that will draw this all together…the one word…

Confusion! That’s the word I was looking for.

2008-04-23T17:15:00.000-06:00

Yummy

So I ate an entire apple pie today. It was good.This has been a good day off.

2008-04-13T22:53:00.000-06:00

Oh Yeah...

One reason I never liked those questionnaire things is because I always have that moment after I am done filling them out where I think, "OH WAIT!"

Anyway...I wanted to publicly post some more best friends, whom without I never would have become the person I am today:
My sisters Monica, Gretchen and Bridgett, my parents, Mandy, Shem, Jeff R., and of course Jonathan.

I have a lot of best friends...and more than likely, I will remember another one as soon as I post this.

D'oh!!